Dear Dorie,

I’m gearing up for Mother’s Day with a 3-year-old, a 7-year-old and a husband who works really long hours with frequent business trips. We’ll all be together on that Sunday but to be totally honest, I just want to be alone. I’m not trying to feel ungrateful or unappreciative — I love my family very much. I’m just wondering if there are any other moms out there who feel like me and if you have any advice for the big day?

Just Another Sunday Mom



Dear Mom,

Let me sum up: You are raising two children by yourself with financial assistance from your husband. With a toddler — I’ll assume no preschool yet — and a school age child, that translates to limited sleep, no personal time alone and constant demands on your body, patience and possibly, your PTA. Your idea of a lovely way to celebrate yourself is rest and relaxation. What a surprise.

News flash: You are not alone. On Mother’s Day, society conjures up an image of homemade breakfasts and art project gifts while you sleep in and then, later take a well-deserved nap. Your reality is a trashed kitchen and craft table that must be cleaned up before bedtime and an exhausted husband who may steal that nap away from you. You have every right to feel worried.

There are a few tips for breaking with tradition. First and foremost, set clear expectations for the holiday to your husband. Be realistic about what you’d like to happen or not to happen (e.g. “I’d like to go out to breakfast and take a nap.” Or, “I would prefer not to go to your mother’s house.” If you’d like a gift, at least let him know the category (homemade, store bought, etc.), if not the item and store. Let him know what is just going to throw you over the edge — allowing the children to fight, watching a game, messy house without help ... it is, after all, your day.

The ultimate message of this particular Sunday is that you love your family, you love being a parent and you want to love Mother’s Day. Good luck.

Dorie

Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at meek@smmusd.org, or call (310) 452-6132; fax (310) 452-6392