The movie: Tristan & Isolde The director: Kevin Reynolds The stars: James Franco, Sophia Myles, Rufus Sewell
In “dog years,” 15 minutes feels like several excruciating hours, and make no mistake, “Tristan & Isolde” is a dog. Somewhere around the 15-minute mark of this particular piece of celluloid persecution, it dawned on me that star James Franco might not be delivering one of the more comically bad performances I’d seen in years, and that what he was actually doing up there on the screen was truly inspired stuff — after all, I’m sure I’m not alone in having imagined what it would be like to watch Hayden Christensen lapse into a coma following a botched hair transplant involving Leif Garrett’s 1977 hairdo. Well, wonder no more, folks, because Franco nails it!
His co-star, Sophia Myles (“Thunderbirds”), doesn’t fare as well, however — in fact she’s just flat-out “yawnful.” Myles is certainly very pretty, an essential attribute for any Hollywood actress, but I’ve seen more emotional range exhibited by extras in zombie movies. Of course, these poor actors can’t shoulder all the blame for this stinker — there’s plenty to go around. Director Kevin Reynolds (“Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,” “Waterworld”) apparently thought he was making a French perfume commercial, while scribe Dean Georgaris, who also wrote “Paycheck,” ought to be ashamed to cash the one he received for spewing this mess.
As for what the movie is about, well, for me it was about getting to the end as quickly as possible. You, on the other hand, should spare yourself the agony of trying.
