Dear Dorie,

I have a newborn baby boy and he’s doing really great. He’s eating well and growing each week. I feel so lucky to have him. The only problem is that he’s crying every few hours and I am getting really tired. I know he needs to eat a lot, but is there anything else that is going on? My Mother is helping on the weekends, so I’m getting a little rest then, but the rest of the week I’m basically on my own.

Elated but Exhausted



Dear Exhausted,

Congratulations on your new baby and welcome to motherhood. Your baby’s needs are entirely healthy and normal, as is your exhaustion. There are a few different reasons for a baby crying and, hopefully, knowing them will help you understand your new love a little better.

When an infant is wailing, usually the reason is one of the “Big 8s” — hot, cold, wet, dirty hungry, thirsty, gassy or just plain grumpy. Solutions to the first six are relatively literal. Gassy and grumpy get complicated. Watch for taut leg and abdominal muscles as well as kicking motions to deal with some gas pains; light abdominal massage techniques also help some infants. Grumpy can be broadly defined as anything needing you. It can include boredom, tension and other complicated experiences but it basically translates to you holding and soothing your crying baby. Patience is truly a virtue here and anything you can do to keep yourself calm and nurturing is allowed. I used repetitive lullabies. I knew my baby couldn’t hear them while she was crying, but I used them to keep me focused on her needs.

Most importantly, your baby’s cries are the first attempts at establishing a secure and trusting relationship with you. This is his way of innately developing the maternal bond that you will share with him for life. He needs to know that when he cries, a loving person responds. If you interpret his cries successfully — not always possible but do your best — his perspective of this brand new world will be one of courage and trust. That alone is worth a few months of sleeplessness. Good luck.

Dorie

(Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at meek@smmusd.org, or call (310) 452-6132; fax (310) 452-6392).