Dear Dorie,

I have a 9-month old daughter who wakes up crying every two hours or so. I am exhausted. What can I do to help her learn to stay asleep?

— Tired in Trauma



Dear Tired,

There are only a few lucky parents out there who have a “sleeper.” Most parents go through about three years of on-again, off-again sleep deprivation before their child regularly sleeps through the night. You should know that there are some extreme techniques out there that allow the child to cry it out. I support these only if you are so exhausted that you are unable to effectively and safely parent your child. If that is the case, go to the new Parent Resource Center of the newly re-opened main branch public library and you’ll see the options.

For the rest of us, helping a child learn to sleep through the night is a matter of calm and caring repetition. Establish a routine along the following lines: When you first hear her cry, wait one or two minutes — watch the clock on this as it feels like an hour. If she’s still crying, pick her up and soothe her with calm words and phrases like, “You’re safe now. It’s nighttime. Everyone’s asleep.” Keep it simple and to the point. If you’re breast-feeding, nurse her and return her gently to the crib. If you’re not, a few minutes in a glider/rocker should help.

When she wakes again — and she will, we all do — repeat the same pattern over and over again. Eventually, her little body will begin to relax when it wakes and let you get some well-deserved sleep. Good luck.

— Dorie

(Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at meek@smmusd.org, or call (310) 452-6132; fax (310) 452-6392).