Dear Dorie,

My 2-year-old is a biter. When she gets frustrated or angry, she responds with a bite to anything or anyone near. She’s got a mouthful of the dog, her friends and my shoulder. Help! What do I do to get her to stop?

Biter Bewilderment



Dear Bewildered:

Repeat after me: Sooner or later, biters stop biting. But yours is a yucky job of getting them through it. Here’s what’s going on and what you can do to get through this developmental phase with some skin left.

Prior to the onset of more sophisticated verbal communication, most children will push, hit, kick or bite when they get angry or confused. This is usually related to the inability to verbally express their emotions. They will grow out of it eventually, but as biting is dangerous stuff, you need to be proactive and prepared with your child.

For the next few months, you will need to take the “helicopter” approach to parenting, that is, hover near enough to allow your daughter some fun, but close enough to swoop in should the interaction grow heated or that mouth open up in preparation for a piece of something. You may also want to carry a “bitable” object in your bag or pocket (I used mini-bagels). As soon as you see the warning signs, present the object and say, “It looks like you want to bite, here you go.” If you miss the chance, your only option is to remove your child and firmly state, “You may not bite.” Then, stay with her until he or she is calm.

As a fellow mom, I can tell you that biting is an emotionally challenging issue for all involved. We are conditioned to respond to cute and cuddly toddlers, not Darwinian carnivores. But inside that occasional chewer is your loving baby and she needs your help to figure this phase out. Hang in there and good luck.

Dorie

Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Submit your questions to meek@smmusd.org.