Dear Dorie,

My preschooler has an imaginary playmate. I know this is OK but “Sengy” is very active and has a really different personality from my son. This concerns me. Do I need to intervene in any way and, if so, how?

— On the Outside Looking at Sengy



Dear Outside,

Studies indicate anywhere between one third and two thirds of all preschoolers (ages 3-5 years old) have invisible playmates. My oldest child’s was “Christina” and my youngest changes the name of hers constantly. While in the grocery store the other day, my daughter sat in the cart instructing her two “friends” to buckle up and stop fighting. Anyone around young children has seen this kind of relationship and, yes, it is completely developmentally appropriate.

Each imaginary playmate serves a different function but they all offer children a sense of control over life and provide a coping mechanism for events they don’t understand. They also can function as a scapegoat for mistakes (e.g. “Sengy spilled the milk”) and be bossed around without back talk. Finally, they can stifle feelings of loneliness or isolation — even boredom. Better “Sengy” than the television, trust me.

As far as intervening is concerned, just listen. Do your best to understand why “Sengy” comes around. Support the belief, but don’t overdo it. Your child doesn’t really want you to play with “Sengy,” he just wants you to respect him. If your regular routine is compromised as a result, include “Sengy” in the necessary activities (e.g. “It’s time for you and Sengy to brush your teeth.”) And remember that, in most cases, imaginary playmates lose their popularity about 6 years old so you only have a few more years until “See ya Sengy.” Good luck.

— Dorie

(Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at meek@smmusd.org, or call (310) 452-6132).