Dear Dorie,

When does parenting a toddler change from “setting limits” to real discipline? What are the forms of discipline being promoted/taught by the “experts?”



Dear Parent,

Most current experts agree that the term “discipline” carries connotations of harshness and emotional coldness, if not punishment or coercion. Therefore, early childhood professionals regularly use the term “guidance.” Using effective and appropriate guidance is one of the toughest challenges faced by parents.

There is no shift from one method at one age to another. Overall guidance is based on respect for your child.

In the real world of parenting, the primary goal of toddler guidance is to prevent injury caused by natural inquisitiveness and find safe ways to assert independence. In most cases, guiding your toddler is nothing more than a matter of environmental control. There are a few tips:

- Avoid needless conflicts. If she loves to climb, don’t keep her in the dining room.

- Handle fighting firmly, but gently.

- Encourage negotiation. “We will read two more books, then go to the store.”

- Seek alternatives to no.

Be gentle when it comes to the little things. Above all, remember that corporal punishment — slapping a child’s hand, spanking, etc. — not only does not improve behavior, but can often make it worse.

(Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at meek@smmusd.org or call (310) 452-6132).