Articles by this Author
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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No stranger to the local scene, “Buzz,” as he likes to be called by friends and foes alike, is the newest member of the Daily Press news team. A keen observer of all things Santa Monican, an eavesdropper of preposterous proportions, “Buzz” is literally everywhere. He knows where we live, what we do and who we do it with. The news staff looks to take advantage of this in-town player’s unique skills by allowing him to serve up his slant on the “city by the sea” each week just the way he likes it — fresh, raw and a might bit spicy. As always, he has a few things to share.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Well, it seems not all are fans of the Buzz-meister. After just one week of writing insights and witticisms, one Daily Press reader was moved to request he be taken off the paper’s mailing list, pointing out “there is nothing polite or decent” about Buzz’s stories.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Buzz has been busy this past week traveling to the Midwest and making the rounds in his favorite stomping grounds — Santa Monica, aka the city by the sea — “a happy place for happy people.” People seemed so happy that Buzz wonders if all those call-ins to the editor tipping her off to the chemtrails in the sky are actually in fact spraying lithium upon us ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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...Buzz apparently created some by mentioning last week the so-called chemtrails that hover over Santa Monica in the form of jet exhaust. Several readers wrote in, pointing Buzz to a haze of conspiracy theories. Perhaps it’s not lithium “they” are spraying upon us but paranoia juice. From a few readers, here are their theories behind those mystery lines in the sky: “Actually Barium and Aluminum mostly, with a few varieties of polymer fibers thrown in for good measure. A perfect subject for a breezy, cheerful editorial, great choice. There is much you could learn about this subject if you are interested. The link below is a good place to start. http://www.carnicom.com/conright.htm.”...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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Buzz knew it would only be a matter of time that some of the chatter would head his way concerning Santa Monica’s semi-famous City Councilman, Bobby Shriver. Buzz has learned in the past few years that despite his fame, Shriver is a stand-up guy, if not a little A.D.D. — the guy is all over the place. And when he is not sitting in City Council Chambers listening to the drones wax on, Shriver is “traveling.” Again, all over the place.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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Every once in awhile LA will surprise you ... and so will its people. Buzz got a high off of the SMDP editor’s heartwarming story recently when she learned first-hand that not all people will lie, cheat and steal from you at the first chance they get. Out on the town one recent Friday night, the overworked local journalist hit a few watering holes in downtown Santa Monica.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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After taking a well-needed hiatus last week (gathering gossip and observations is exhausting for an old surfer), Buzz returned to hear the real low-down: SMDP’s got a new editor ... “Mikey T,” as they call him in the newsroom. Usually at least the third to know, Buzz missed out on that news. Out with the old in with the new. Guess the Santa Monica Daily “Press-ure” can get to anyone. But thank God that we all have issues, otherwise the SMDP wouldn’t have anything to fill its growing pages.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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Buzz is acutely aware he is taking his life in his hands when he cruises around town on his beach cruiser, but since driving his car in the traffic-clogged city is a worse option, he’d rather risk life and limb than let his frustration and stress levels soar. On any day, Buzz is concerned about the oblivious woman driver talking on her cell phone while applying her make-up, or the jerk bus driver who moves for no one and finds pleasure in running two-wheelers off the road. But one recent Friday evening was no typical bike riding day for Buzz.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... When a buddy of the Buzzmeister called and told him about a bunch of freeloaders getting all sorts of brazen near his house, well what can you do? Welcome to life in the big city, chum. But then, Buzz remembered, ol’ buddy ol’ pal lived north of Wilshire, within a stone’s throw of Montana. He doesn’t feed them, lest to encourage them, but apparently they keep coming around and have figured out how to use thumbs to open garbage bin lids and whatnot. Buzz didn’t quite catch this dude’s drift, especially after he offered to make Buzz a vintage, Davey Crockett-style hat. As much as Buzz would like to channel his inner Fess Parker, ladies love the hair ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... The Buzz-saw was approached by a seemingly innocuous gent this week and told the other man had just had an “epiphany.”
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... The Buzzman was checking out the Westside hispster scene, even contemplatin’ the unthinkable — getting a haircut — at Rudy’s barbershop on Main Street last Monday when a harried hairy man burst in with a fervor.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Buzz had a case of the Mondays last week (and it was Tuesday, to make matters worse), when a young lady friend pointed out that the day before was Mole Day. About to get his Oaxaca on, Buzz was stopped before he could run for the border, reminded that Mole Day was celebrated each Oct. 23, from 6:02 a.m. to 6:02 p.m. Buzz’s blank expression left said lady friend feeling a wee bit dweebish, so he let her off the hook, coolly flexing a few hangover high school chemistry brain cells and recalling Avogadro’s Number (6.02 x 10^23) — a measuring unit in chemistry. Proving Buzz knows a thing or two about a thing or two ... Of course, mole and some avogadro sounds kinda tasty about now ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... “When it’s time to change, you’ve got to rearrange,” Peter Brady used to sing. For passengers of a Big Blue Bus last week, it may have seemed like pennies from heaven, with copper likenesses of the bearded presidential dude ricocheting off the windows intermittently, but in the end, Buzz discerned it was just pennies from Rockport. Buzz spied a a true giver taking the one-cent pieces he’d earnestly collected out of a soiled Starbucks cup and kicking them one by one into the air and across Broadway at Third Street. Maybe the nearby street performer, with an acoustic guitar and look of chagrin, wasn’t feeling my man’s charitable effort. Maybe penny punter just wanted the thoughts of the bus passengers. Maybe Buzz should get a hobby ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Sitting in the Firehouse restaurant on Main Street in Venice, trying to stomach an ill-advised breakfast burrito order, the Buzzsaw’s stomach took a turn for the worse after a glance outside the front window. There, between each smiling passerby, was Jonathan Borofsky’s “Ballerina Clown” half-kicking his (her?) fresh little dancer leg. When one pedestrian stopped to glance at the big ol’ odd landmark, then looked inside the Firehouse and saw Buzz staring at it, a look of shame and guilt of confused Catholic School proportions came upon the Buzzman. Indeed, Buzz in that moment felt smaller than a Tinkerbell with a grizzled male Gacy-like clown head ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Standing in line at a local Starbucks (that nails it down), Buzz was decidedly un-beatnik, awaiting a barista dude to take an order for his mocha latte. Hey, it’s hard representin’ 24/7, man. The woman at the counter was taking an extended period of time in which to place her order, digging through her designer purse and whatnots, making all chit-chatty with the mermaid logo-wearing Java Joe. Upon closer inspection (that is, eavesdroppin’), it appeared the woman was looking to impress.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Buzz knew he’d hit the Big Tyme on Tuesday, standing in line to make it legal at the DMV, doing that hurry-up-and-wait thing. It soon turned into the Heavy DMV when actor-musician Heavy D had a brush with the Buzzmeister while waiting for their numbers to be up. The Boyz would have been of no use to the hip-hop icon, cause nobody’s Livin’ Large waiting for the state’s finest to laminate their headshots. We’re all just a number in the end, Heavy, no matter how many guest spots you’ve done for the sublime situational comedy “Yes, Dear” ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Proposition Y ... Proposition why not? With marijuana now at the bottom of the police priority list, Buzz felt the sinful smoke had suddenly lost that rebellious, huddled-in-mom’s-backyard-with-a-lighter-and-can-of-air freshener appeal. Really, if anyone can do it, what’s the allure? If you can’t stick it to “the man,” my peeps, go stick it someplace else ... In search of the next kick, Buzz turned his attention to an herb of another sort — nutmeg. Grinding up his mom’s food additive, Buzz concocted himself some tea and gulped it down. Only then did Buzz read up on the effects of nutmeg, where past users’ Internet confessionals speak to days, even weekends and weeks, completely lost to a buzz they can’t shake. At a birthday party for the Buzzman the next day in Mid-City, nutmeg didn’t seem like such a good idea when cowering in the corner of the room, alone. Buzz should have known — it’s all about smoking banana peels this season ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
... The Buzzman was wondering the other day, while putting the cart before the horse, whether or not someone living a cliche knows it. Heading westward on Arizona Avenue this week by bicycle, because when it comes to exercise, it seems better to not put off till tomorrow what a Buzzster can do today, there was a thirtysomething gal jogging in her “Juicy” couture ... while pushing a baby stroller ... while toting along a little dog by a leash ... while talking on a cell phone ... while probably telling the receiver of the call that a “Penny saved is a penny earned” or something! If Buzz hadn’t been distracted, because typically in the morning Buzz is as horny as a three-balled tomcat, throwing a Starbucks cup at the jogger might’ve been easy as pie, or duck soup.
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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... Just looking for a quiet lil’ dinner at Violet on Pico Boulevard, the Buzzman settled in for some lil’ plates at a favorite neighborhood haunt. The images of revelers from the Daily Press holiday party may be haunting in their own right. With camera flashes and drunken newspaper types both going off in turns, not all the mooning was in the sky above Friday night. Of course, Buzz would write more about it if he didn’t start swigging’ some cheap sugar-laden Canadian whiskey out of its plastic bottle right alongside them. Turns out, “Secret Santa” got a little sloshy in ’06. The only headlines produced that night were on the staff’s foreheads after they passed out on floors across the city. If sugar plums made an appearance, they were probably dancing in puddles of Wild Turkey ...
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BUZZ’IN SANTA MONICA
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Well, at least one former Santa Monica mayor took that Person of the Year award on the cover of Time magazine to heart. Mike Feinstein, he of the Rollerblades and styling pomade, has posted a video on YouTube showing off his city to the world. It’s a riveting 40-plus minutes of mayoral elections staged by City Council members in bad lighting, the latter 37 minutes of which saw your friendly neighborhood Buzz picking toe jam,
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