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# A life with porpoise isn’t found in a book
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/a-life-with-porpoise-isnt-found-in-a-book/
- Published: 2006-11-25T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-25T01:17:14.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Events, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*By LAUGHING MATTERS BY JACK NEWORTH*

Until a few days ago, the heatwave in Santa Monica had some people considering barbecuing the turkey, which might have been cumbersome on my hibachi. It was so hot, last-minute shopping could have included cranberry sauce, stuffing and sun-screen. At Thanksgiving, It’s supposed to be cold with a fire crackling in the fireplace, or in my case, an old space heater that barely glows. But suddenly, it was summer again!

I decided to hit the beach. I got my boo-gie board from my storage locker, which I’d forgotten was jammed. As junk came crashing down on my head, I suddenly remembered — Styrofoam may be unsafe for the planet, but it saved my skull.

Sunning at the beach at this time of year is surreal. One feels a combination of rebellious, adventuresome and... pasty. As I put my feet in the water, I started thinking of Pat Robertson, whom I had seen the night before on a Larry King repeat. Pat said God had warned him of a catastrophic tsunami and then he giggled, which always gives me the creeps. Fortunately, Santa Monica’s geography is not conducive to a tsunami. And besides, why would God warn Pat Robertson? Somebody in FEMA maybe, or Fritz Coleman, but Pat? Since the Chavez assassination threat, Pat’s “Prince of Peace” connection seems a little dubious.

Finally, King reminded Robertson of previous failed prophesies, like when God spoke to him and said the 2004 election would be a landslide. With a boyish grin, Pat guffawed, “Ya know, Larry, sometimes you’re not sure if you’re actually talkin’ to God or just hearin’ things.” That may be the most intelligent thing Pat Robertson’s ever said.

I mentioned seeing Pat to a workout friend in the gym who is “born again.” Before I’d even broken a sweat on the treadmill, somehow I’d committed myself to reading “The Purpose Driven Life” — Rick Warren’s book about modern Christianity. I’m worried about my cardio while apparently my friend is worried about my eternal soul. I have A.D.D., so “eternity” is kind of a tough concept. But he insisted on lending me a copy of the book, so I was stuck.

So three days before Thanksgiving, I was in my beach chair by station #26\. I wasn’t there long before a wonderful sight caught my eye. No, not women in bikinis, though that too. It was a school of porpoises close to shore, frolicking and jumping out of the water. On the beach, we humans stood and watched in awe. The lifeguard told me they swim by around 4 p.m. every day. Maybe an Early Bird Dinner at the pier? He also said they were dolphins, not porpoises, but “The Dolphin Driven Life” just doesn’t have the same ring.

I confess, I’m not very religious. Perhaps it was the era in which I grew up. In 1966, a Time Magazine cover read: “Is God Dead?” Today, God is everywhere, except in People Magazine’s Top 100 Sexiest Celebrities, although who knows. God is also much in the contemporary parlance, as in, “He’s richer than God,” or “He has more money than God,” as if God has bank accounts and a 401k.

Lately, some of God’s biggest advocates — Mel Gibson, Mark Foley, Tom Delay, Ralph Reed, and of course, Ted “Meth ‘n Massage” Haggard — have strayed a little. And yet, faith among the flock has never been greater. The Purpose Driven Life has sold 25 million copies! It’s also available in CD and books on tape, along with Purpose Mini Book, Purpose Daily Inspirations, Purpose Daily Reminders and Purpose Refrigerator Magnets.Apparently, Purpose is a cottage industry, but I confess I made up the refrigerator magnet bit.

Purpose is thought provoking, but I had trouble with some of the passages... “Even before the universe was created, God had you in mind.” Me? Before the universe was created? It seems a stretch, but OK. Or, “You were made to last forever.” Oh yeah? Tell that to my rotator cuff. “You were made by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense.” I had a very demanding girlfriend once who said pretty much the same thing.

As I was packing to leave the beach, I was thinking more about the porpoises than the book.“Maybe I lead a Porpoise Driven Life?” I thought to myself. And then I wondered if, in the storage locker, the hit to the head was harder than I thought?

In the meantime, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving (I’m thankful O.J.’s book deal was canceled). By the way, if you barbecued the turkey, let me know how it turned out.

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on November 25, 2006.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/112506.pdf?ref=smdp.com)