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# A woman’s survival guide when seeking a divorce
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/a-womans-survival-guide-when-seeking-a-divorce-2/
- Published: 2003-01-04T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T22:57:28.000Z
- Author: David Pisarra
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

Five things you need to know before seeking a divorce. (Editor’s note: This is the debut of “Legal Views and News,” a weekly column that intends to answer questions about legal matters for Santa Monica Daily Press readers. Readers are encouraged to write questions to the e-mail below.) Divorce. The word alone raises your blood pressure, scares you silly, and makes you nauseous. Visions of aggressive lawyers, imaginary fights with a soon to be ex, and terror at the thought of being broke and alone flood your mind.

In today’s society, even though many women are successful in the business world, they frequently do not pay close attention to the family finances. When the time comes in a relationship for the parties to separate, the woman frequently does not get as much as she should, mainly because she does not know where all the assets are located.

In California, there is an affirmative duty to disclose all the family assets. Even so, in a divorce it is not uncommon for something to get overlooked by one of the parties.

FIND THE MONEY The hardest part for most women in divorce is the economic devastation they go through because they lack the financial resources to fight hard for what is theirs. They do not get what they should because they do not know how much money the family has.

The following are questions you should ask: 1\. Where are all the bank accounts? His, mine, ours; his company account if he owns a business. 2\. Where are all the stock accounts? 3\. Where are all the statements for the bank, credit cards, charge accounts; company accounts if he owns his own company, pension and 401(k)s. 4\. Where are all the check registers? 5\. What property do we own?

GET THE DOCUMENTS Make sure you have a separate set of copies of the bank statements, credit card bills, stock portfolios, taxes for the last five years, and household bills to give your attorney. It is much easier to make copies, BEFORE one of you has moved out.

The credit card statements can give you a great view of where the money is going, and how much of it there is. Phone bills also are important to find out if there is a second business, or home.

KNOW HIS BUSINESS If he owns his own business, you need to know how much money it REALLY makes. Business owners have excellent ways of hiding their income and you need to know how he’s going to hide his money.

If you are close to getting a divorce, you need to do some research on how well his company is doing. Call his bookkeeper and discreetly ask how business is going.

You want to find out who his top five clients and vendors are. Vendors are people he buys his products from. This is important because an attorney and a forensic accountant can work backwards to find out how much money he SHOULD be making, based on what he is buying.

BE READY FOR THE TRAUMA The emotional damage a divorce causes can be extreme. You should have a good support network in place to deal with the inevitable feelings of loss, grief, anger, hurt, and sadness.

Understand that your lifestyle is going to go down, it has to, it costs more to run two households than one. You will change friends and acquaintances, you might live somewhere different, eat in new restaurants and shop in new stores. This could be a good thing if you take this opportunity to grow and change for the better. Talk to your friends, find a good counselor who can help with your pain.

HAVE AN ESCAPE HATCH Divorce is costly. The basic divorce is going to cost between $4,000 and $8,000 if both parties have a lawyer. If there are child or spousal support issues, or if there is property being fought over, the cost of divorce can increase no end.

A woman should have a savings account before starting a divorce. Even if the money in it is community property, a woman should have quick and easy access to cash in case she needs to rent an apartment quickly, buy a new car, or meet other expenses.

Be prepared for your attorney to ask for a sizable amount of money for a retainer. Some attorneys require a $10,000 retainer; others as low as $500\. It simply depends on your case, the amount of property to fight over, and your spouse’s ability to fight.

This is a starting point and there is much more to know, but preparation can ease your way through this painful process and help you to recover better in the long run.

David Pisarra is a partner in the Santa Monica law firm of Pisarra & Grist. He (310) 664-9969 or by e-mail at

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on January 4, 2003.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/010403.pdf?ref=smdp.com)