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# And in this corner
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/and-in-this-corner/
- Published: 2007-07-10T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T02:15:16.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

Dear Dorie, I feel like I’m having a fight with my 3-year-old son every day about something mundane. It can be getting into the car seat, eating crackers or picking up a toy… anything that doesn’t strike his fancy on that particular day. Why am I constantly being the bad guy?

Dear Fighter, Your toddler is healthily (and probably happily) entering into the world of independence. He is acknowledging that the “giants” can make him do certain things and not others. You, as the unconditional loving mother, are the testing ground for what he can and cannot get away with. The good news is that his confidence in his ability to test you is great; he knows that you love him no matter what. The bad news is that every little choice is a potential battlefield on any given day.

Start by establishing a few essential ground rules (e.g. no hitting Mommy). Limit these to two or three and be firm about the consequences. Follow-through with actually doing what you say you are going to do when he acts up. Finally, and most importantly, pick your battles. Is it really important that he finishes his milk? Do you need to limit the amount of crackers? Does he need to lower the volume of his voice when he’s outside? Most of the issues regarding the toddler tug-of-war are yours — choose the battle wisely. Car seats, for example, are not negotiable but not cleaning up toys in the car can be tolerated. You don’t have to be the bad guy in his world, just the grown-up.

More hugging and less tugging is the goal of all parents. Ultimately, you decide the consonant. Good luck.

Dorie DORIE MEEK is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center.

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on July 10, 2007.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/071007.pdf?ref=smdp.com)