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# Avoid the front lines of sibling battles
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/avoid-the-front-lines-of-sibling-battles/
- Published: 2005-09-20T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-25T01:01:54.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Malibu, #archive-import

*By — Battle Weary — Dorie*

Dear Dorie, I have two boys ages 4 and 2 and they fight constantly. Everything seems to be a loud battle and I find myself losing it on a regular basis. I know some of this is to be expected but any suggestions for control over the other part?

Dear Weary, It is amazing how loving two siblings can be one minute, and how horrific they can be the next. Sibling rivalry, fights, possession conflict, races to win, you name the conflict and they’ll run with it. You’re exactly right — part of this is normal and part of this is insane.

Conflict resolution skills are the goal of sibling attacks. These can be developed with or without your intervention. Ask yourself, is there a physical safety issue? If not, remove yourself from the situation and let them at it. Often these conflicts are, consciously or subconsciously, seeking your involvement. If you stay out of it when appropriate, studies show the number of altercations decline.

So, how do you do it when they’re screaming at the top of their lungs? ■ Remove yourself from the room. ■ Refuse to take sides (avoid comparisons or blame). ■ Encourage them to solve the problem together. ■ Ignore the little fights. ■ Talk about the fights later, when both children are calm (“remember when you and your brother were yelling …”) In the long run, they will gain immensely from these exchanges. In the short run, do your best to stay sane. Good luck. (Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at, or call (310) 452-6132; fax (310) 452-6392).

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on September 20, 2005.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/092005.pdf?ref=smdp.com)