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# Baby burnout hits exhausted mommy
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/baby-burnout-hits-exhausted-mommy/
- Published: 2007-03-13T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T23:39:05.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

Dear Dorie, My son will be 11 months on Saturday! He is taking a few steps here and there, but definitely on his own walking along furniture and crawling so quickly that it is sometimes difficult to catch him. He loves saying “Da Da” and “bye bye.” Only “Ma Ma” when he is crying. He loves his music class and is quite the percussionist. Just like his Daddy. He moves his body as soon as he hears music, shakes his hips and moves his head with a big smile on his face. Just like his Mommy.

All of this loveliness, but I am completely and totally exhausted. Dorie, why can’t we get this child to sleep? I thought the 9th month was going to be our bad month but we got him to go down on his own for about 3 weeks, but still waking in the middle of the night. Now for some reason we can’t even get him to go down anymore without him being hysterical and crying well into 10 minutes.

When he finally goes to sleep in my arms, totally limp, I put him down and he immediately rolls over and sits up. Lately I got in the habit of lying down with him on the couch or in bed in the middle of the night because my arms are about to fall off and I can hardly stand anymore. He doesn’t even get comfortable with that. You can tell he wants to sleep but just is not comfortable. Sometimes when he wakes he is screaming and arching his back, then he might pass gas. We are still giving him baby sleep medicine, The doctor thought that he might still need it. It could be the reason he is always sitting up in the crib so quickly. But if that is the reason then the medicine is not working.

My husband thinks there is something else going on with him. Something wrong. I don’t know. When I go to the doctor he tells me he’s fine but I need to get him to sleep and take naps. Well, I want to say, you do it. He had a bit of a sleep pattern happening for mornings and all of a sudden it is shot. I am now officially starting to lose my mind.

If you have any suggestions that would be great. Or just some words of wisdom and your awesome outlook on life.

Insanely Sleepless Dear Sleepless, About one out of every 10 questions I get from parents deals with sleep and sleep deprivation. Somehow, society tells us that our babies should sleep easily or we are failing as Moms. Well, that’s not true. You are doing your best as a great parent trying to teach your infant to sleep and it’s a thankless, painful job. While there is no way that I can know exactly what is going on with one letter, I do have a few recommendations: Step 1: Give up on the baby meds — they’re not working anyway and it’s possible that your son is having a reverse reaction. Check with your pediatrician for weaning instructions.

Step 2: You and your husband look each other in the eye and say, “We’ve got ourselves a non-sleeper” - blame each other’s genes if it helps but acknowledge the reality nonetheless.

Step 3: Accept that it will be this way for way more than a few months, and possibly through age two.

Now, take a good look at what your son is doing right before naptime. Is he feeding? Is he being put in a stroller? Look for any possible triggers to discomfort. I know parents that drive, stroll, feed... anything to get the baby down. Try what you are comfortable with and, if all else fails, don’t make him nap. Go about your business and find out when he really wants to go to sleep (e.g. it could be 3 p.m. instead of 1 p.m.). Play the investigator now and find out what your son really wants during the day. Also, is he sucking anything? Non-nutritive sucking is a soothing mechanism and can help with self-regulation.

At night, begin with a later bedtime and follow his signals. The operative word in sleep is “responsive.” Your son is trying to tell you something and you will figure it out eventually. Your goal is to identify what is happening right before bedtime (one to two hours prior) to get an accurate picture of his needs.

FYI, middle of the night wake-ups are typical for most infants. There is nothing alarming there. Soothe him, comfort him and let him fall back to sleep. That’s all you can do at that time. Getting him off the meds should help with that.

Finally, and most importantly, pick up a copy of the “Ages and Stages Questionnaire.” This is a parent screening tool that is very informative, user-friendly and research-based. If you go to www.uoregon.edu, they will have a sample ASQ that you can do online to see if there are any developmental red flags. Start with the 10 month ASQ and if all indicators are good, do the 12-month. The ASQs are incredibly informative! I used them for both my children and most of our program parents use them to stay abreast of what is happening with their little ones. This will address concerns about your son’s development.

I know this time is difficult, but remember “this too shall pass.” Before long, your son will be a teenager and you won’t be able to wake him up :) Good luck.

DORIE MEEK is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Submit your questions to

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on March 13, 2007.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/031307.pdf?ref=smdp.com)