> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.smdp.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Common law is a common mistake - URL: https://www.smdp.com/common-law-is-a-common-mistake-20060912/ - Published: 2006-09-12T15:00:00.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-25T00:59:39.000Z - Author: David Pisarra - Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import This past weekend I was at a friend’s wedding. My law partner was in Chicago, and he was attending a wedding there. I don’t go to a lot of weddings. My law partner seems to attend at least three a year. But he does family law, and I suppose on some cosmic level it is like a probate attorney going to funerals. Weddings are such important social events. They bring people together in ways that a summer barbecue or a fall holiday party just don’t seem to. There is a societal pull to attend your friends’ getting married. It is part of the social contract we make with our friends that we will be there to witness their committing to someone. That public commitment of course is the point of a wedding. It is the social gathering of our friends and family to say, “I pledge to be true to this one person.” It is rather like a social pressure cooker to force two people, man and woman, into one social unit. But the wedding itself is an important social event because of the connections they foster among the guests. In a world where we are ever in greater contact with our friends, acquaintances, employers, employees and clients, how rarely do we actually get together for a celebration? Computers and the Internet have made instant messaging, Web photo albums and blogs seem like we always know what is going in people’s lives, but the reality is that unless you can see someone face to face, you can’t discern the reality of their life. Sitting across the table from an old friend who tells you that “everything is great” allows you to see the pain in their face that belies their social façade. Armed with that knowledge you can corner them in the bathroom and find out what is really going on. But when you are only seeing someone in their Web photos and reading about their life on their blog, you can’t tell that “everything is great” really means “my life is falling apart and I’m about to explode from the pain of it all.” The actual “party” part of a wedding is where the social weaving occurs. It is where the little rips and tears in our lives can be repaired. We can take advantage of the relaxed atmosphere to check in with old friends and see what everyone has really been up to. Some weddings are very formal affairs — they are black tie events held at country clubs. Others are casual waterfront short ceremonies that result in sand in the toes and ruined pedicures. The type of wedding has no affect on the success of the marriage. That’s because the wedding is merely the social contract part. It is the shaking of the hands after a deal is struck to commemorate it. It is the champagne bottle being struck on the bow of the great ocean liner just before her maiden voyage. The true test of her sea worthiness is to come as she hits the water and strikes out across the ocean. In much the same way the real work of a marriage actually starts when the parties go home, take off the loose clothing and put away the wild fun and joy of being “just married.” This settling in to married life is where the work begins for the couple. This is where the true commitments must be demonstrated. In the day-to-day living. In weathering the storms of living together, and worse, the doldrums of boredom that come with just too much familiarity. At this past wedding, it was interesting to me that I was asked twice for my legal knowledge of family law. Once was to settle a bet as to who had held out the longest from getting married, and once out of concern that she was going to be liable for her husband’s debt. Two couples, each together for over 15 years, asked me what the common law marriage requirements were. One was under the impression that they were married by common law since they had been together for so long. One couple has children together, homes, cars, boats and businesses. Their lives are thoroughly intertwined. They are and have always seemed to be a very happy couple. The other couple has almost nothing together. A few animals, some pictures, but no property, no kids, no assets. They too have always seemed to be a very happy couple. When I informed both of them that they are not married, I received looks of glee from both couples. The first for having won their bet, and the second, for knowing that she was now safe from his debts. The twist here is that it is the intertwined couple who won the bet and knew they were not married but still happy to have their lives so enmeshed. It was the woman in the couple who has almost no property in common who was worried because she thought she was in trouble with her husband’s debts. The myth of common law marriage just won’t die in this state. It causes all types of stress on people and the simple fact is that there is no common law marriage in the state of California. We can arrange our personal relationships however we want. The California Supreme Court has said that two adults can contract to handle their assets and finances however they wish but as a state we are not imposing our views on you without your taking the step of actually getting married. I don’t know if marriage is a good thing or a bad thing, but I know that I like the wedding party part. (David Pisarra is a business development lawyer in the Santa Monica firm of Pisarra & Grist. He welcomes your questions and comments. He or (310) 664-9969.) *Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on September 12, 2006.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/091206.pdf?ref=smdp.com)