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# Dealing with the emotional intelligence of 1-year-olds
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/dealing-with-the-emotional-intelligence-of-1-year-olds/
- Published: 2003-08-19T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-25T00:43:16.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: local, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*By Guest Commentary By Margaret Altman*

QUESTION: I have a 1-year-old boy and he is incredibly fussy. He is walking and is always moving into things. My sister says that he may have attention deficit disorder and I am worried that this will lead to problems in school and with friends. What do you suggest?

ANSWER: 1-year-olds differ in many ways but many of them are easily distracted and full of energy. They are paying attention to all kinds of things around and inside of them because their attention abilities have not fully developed. Before the age of 4, or even 5 and 6, most little ones are easily engaged by many kinds of events around them. This is very normal. They are excited little learners and explorers, and they can be temperamental and impulsive. The ADHD disorder can not be diagnosed until the child is 7 or 8 years old.

Your concern brings up an important issue in the development of your child’s emotional intelligence in the first year. By this age, there are several vital accomplishments or milestones that your little boy may have achieved. And these milestones will enable him to direct his attention when he is older.

Let’s take a look at these milestones so that you can see, hear and feel just how far he has come in developing the foundations for emotional intelligence.

Instead of looking at your child’s attention span it may be helpful to look at how your little boy is progressing in his ability to read and recognize your face, voice and body language expressions. These recognition skills will enable him to direct his attention to his teacher and other adults in his environment. You may want to make sure that when you smile, frown, raise your voice or signal, your child recognizes these vital emotional signals. Children are learning these skills from infancy onwards and the best emotional expression readers are on track for knowing where to direct their attention.

As another example, you may want to be sure that you know what your child’s comfort zones are. Can you tell when he is in a comfortable alert, awake and aware state? Can you help him get into that state when he is distressed? A child who knows what comfortable feels like will be better able to get himself into that balanced state when he needs to concentrate and learn.

Suggestions from the experts in Developmental Emotional Intelligence: ■Parents can become aware of their own temperamental states so that they can identify different states in their children. Keep a log of two important emotional states — your awake, aware, alert state and your distressed state during the day. Get to know the difference between being comfortable and being stressed. Begin to work on moving from your distressed state into your balanced zone. ■Observe your little one during the day and see how he expresses his different states. Does he get red-faced when he is distressed? Do his eyes glow when he is comfortable? ■Try to move your child into his comfortable state so that he will recognize and understand the difference. You can use soothing techniques such as reading to him, singing, music, playing on the floor, etc. This comfort zone is the one that he will have to get into in order to learn in school. ■Practice emotional communication with your child. Use your voice, face and hands and make sure that he focuses on you and what you are doing. ■Take a few minutes each day to let your child share emotional experiences with you. This will help him with expressing feelings and with his impulse control. You might sit on the floor with the child and let him show you toys or watch him simply point to interesting things in the room.

Emotional Intelligence Milestones at age 1: Your child can explore his surroundings with interest and excitement. Your 1 year old looks at you and understands your emotional expressions. He or she engages you in exploration of the environment and shares experiences with you. (Margaret Altman is the author of “Developing Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence.” She is a licensed psychotherapist a clinical instructor at UCLA School of Social Welfare and the associate director of psychiatric social services in a major LA medical center. To reach her, e-mail to and Web site Deveq.com.)

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 19, 2003.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/081903.pdf?ref=smdp.com)