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# Dear Dorie: Handling a preschooler who says she doesn't want to go to school
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/dear-dorie-20051004/
- Published: 2005-10-04T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-25T01:04:31.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Malibu, #archive-import

Dear Dorie, My 4-year-old daughter attends preschool and has a regular habit of announcing that she “doesn’t want to go to school today.” The teacher assures me that she appears to have a great time there. Is this a typical comment? Are other parents hearing this? This is her first year there but it’s been well over a month of this.

Preschooler Parent Dear Parent, What you’re experiencing is a very typical display of minor separation anxiety. This is completely normal and healthy. It is your daughter’s way of saying, “I’d rather be with you today.” You don’t mention any trouble at drop-off and the teacher is pleased with your daughter’s educational experience, so I’m going to assume that all else is going well. Congratulations on getting through this new situation with relative ease.

You may, however, benefit from a few catch phrases to use in the morning when this comes up. Something along the lines of, “Mommy must go to her job and preschool is your job,” or “I know you’d rather stay home, but your friends and teacher really want to see you today.” You also can redirect the focus with questions like, “What is your favorite activity in the classroom? Can you show me at drop off?” Whatever words you choose, use respect to assure her that you understand her feelings. Trust is being developed here and that is what’s most important. Good luck. — Dorie (Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at, or call (310) 452- 6132; fax (310) 452-6392).

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 4, 2005.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/100405.pdf?ref=smdp.com)