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# Does your infant have the ability to remember?
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/does-your-infant-have-the-ability-to-remember/
- Published: 2003-10-07T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-23T03:02:43.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: local, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*By Margret Altman*

“There are all those early memories; one cannot get another set; one has only those.” — Willa Cather, 1876 (This is the first of a three-part series on parents’ contributions to their infant’s developing memory abilities. Each part covers one year of early childhood memory growth, questions and answers for parents, and tips from the experts in the field of “Developmental Emotional Intelligence.” This series will help parents guide their child’s memory development in terms of the content of the memories and how the child expresses and uses memories in powerful and positive ways.) Within the first three years of life the parents’ interaction with their infant can support the growth of key memory skills. These memory skills will empower the child to remember the important things in life whenever he or she is stressed, challenged or confronted with decision-making. Parents want their kids to be able to use their memory and to be able to recall key information such as fundamental values and goals, strategies for solving problems and the feelings of others, including their parents. When a youngster is face-to-face with a life-changing decision such as drug experimentation, he or she must be able to remember, and to use the stored information that will guide his or her decision. This stored information and the ability to access it must be taught by parents and primary caretakers before the child is 3 years old.

A great deal of research has been done on the very early development of memory and the systems that support the growth of memory. From the field of “Developmental Emotional Intelligence” we find the steps that parents can take towards building their child’s memory abilities and building in the most important memories for a successful and satisfying life. In this series of articles we focus on the content as well as the mechanics of memory development.

QUESTION: My child is 10 months old and I am separating from my husband. I have learned that infants have what is known as “infantile amnesia” and I hope that this would protect my baby from the stress that my family is going through. Do I have to worry about what she will remember about these months and why is this age so important?”

ANSWER: While it is true that until about age 3, children are not able to remember themselves as individuals in past situations. Other kinds of memory and memory-related skills are developing from birth. These skills are taught and reinforced by parents during their emotional interactions with their children. These important skills will support the baby’s ability to remember important values, feelings and strategies for coping with problems.

One of the most critical findings in recent research is that memory function is negatively impacted by stress and that the feelings of fear and anger can disrupt the mind’s ability to remember, recall and use information. From the experts in developmental emotional intelligence, we know that within the first few days, weeks and months of life, parents become attuned to their infant’s temperament and they find the child’s comfort zones. Parents protect their baby’s brains from damaging stress and they work hard to bring their little ones into a comfortable state of emotional balance as often as they can. We call this balanced state the “comfort zone state of alert aroused and awake being.” When parents help the child maintain a comfort zone they help to create a healthy growth environment for memory systems. The infant begins to learn what it feels like to be in an emotionally balanced mode.

During the first year of life, parents consistently engage the baby in a great deal of warm face-to-face interaction. The infant stores these positive images in very special ways and they become part of the content of the developing memory system.

The emotional content of memories is as important as the ability to store, to retrieve and to use memories. In the first year of life, the positive quality of parent-child relationships helps the child’s memory to incorporate the important values of consistency, trust, empathy and emotional balance.

In terms of the next three years, the baby will build upon this stored emotional information and it will empower the child to move towards positive emotional and social relationships.

Tips for parents: The quality of your interactions with your baby is vital for positive memory development.

Keep track of your infant’s temperamental states. Infants respond to parental stress and anxiety, and they may cry more, sleep less, or demonstrate that they are out of their unique comfort zones.

Take steps to reduce your stress level. Use relaxation techniques, talk to others and get the help that you need when the situation is overwhelming.

The infant’s eating and sleeping behavior is a good indication of his emotional status and you can watch for subtle signs that the infant is out of his comfort zone. These signs may be: Increased fidgetiness, turning away from parents or reduced babbling for infants who have started to verbalize.

Bring your baby back into his or her comfort zone whenever possible. Use the strategies that have worked in the past and you may find that reducing excess stimulation or adding music helps to re-establish the infant’s balanced emotional state.

Stay positive. Infants can be quite resilient and parental guilt doesn’t help the situation. Start now and build quality moments into your infant’s memory that will last a lifetime.

Building your baby’s memory abilities is important for many reasons. Memory function in itself is vital in school and at work and in relationships. But it is the content of our recent and long-term memories that guides us towards fulfillment or failure in our lives. A great deal of that content is emotionally-based and parents are at the forefront in creating that content for their children. (Margret Altman, author of “Developing Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence” is a specialist in the field of child development and her goal is to make people’s knowledge and experience available for parents, teachers and any child-involved individual.)

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 7, 2003.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/100703.pdf?ref=smdp.com)