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# Dorie Meek: How much should parents explain about anger to young children?
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/dorie-meek-send-comments-to-editor-smdp-com-dear-dorie-anger-is-not-passed-down-to-next-of-kin/
- Published: 2007-03-27T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T23:45:06.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

Dear Dorie, I consider myself a good parent to my three little children but I do have a temper. I am very afraid that when I get angry, I am teaching them to lose their temper too. I have steps that I take to control my anger and I definitely don’t hit them, but my voice can get pretty loud and scary. With an infant, a toddler and a kindergartner, just how much should I be explaining to them about anger and how to manage it?

Dear Mom, Congratulations for having the strength to admit that you can “lose it” with your kids and still be a good mom. As a parent with three children under the age of five, you are already performing at super-hero status if they are fed, clothed and relatively happy. Parents are role models however, even when we don’t want the responsibility.

As far as demonstrating anger management to your young children, the key is communicating the message that parents will get angry BUT the world will not fall apart as a result. The best way to do this is to talk to your children and tell them the truth. Apologize right away whenever you do or say something you come to regret. Adjust the complexity of the apology to the age of the child. Tell them something like, “I’m sorry. I was feeling cranky.” Just make sure that what you tell them is the truth.

The need for you to recognize what sets you off is the most important thing to keep in mind. If grocery day is a usual trigger, than mentally prepare for the day and attempt to make it through without yelling. Allow yourself plenty of alone time on a regular basis in order to reflect on what is causing the temper outburst in the first place. Build a village of support with people who have similar parenting styles — take one of our parenting classes! — to help balance your emotional needs with the needs of your beloved children.

Sooner or later your kindergartner will begin to call you out on your temper, if he or she hasn’t already. Children as young as five-years-old are able to deduce whether their parent is a pessimist or an optimist. They also start noticing significant behavior differences in parents. Use this as an incentive to take care of yourself. Let them know that parents are only human, and they can change. That’s a great lesson. Good luck.

Dorie DORIE MEEK is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Submit your questions to

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on March 27, 2007.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/032707.pdf?ref=smdp.com)