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# Feeling non-sequitur? Free Segway rental in the offering
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/feeling-non-sequitur-free-segway-rental-in-the-offering/
- Published: 2006-04-01T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-23T17:28:47.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Business, Downtown, #archive-import

Known as “Save Our Streets and Our Sanity,” (SOSOS) the law allows drivers to pay a monthly fee of $1,000 for unlimited access, including all alleyways, or $500 for limited access, which is meant to assist employees who need to drive to and from work, or those who simply can’t get enough of the city’s wide array of restaurants and coffee shops.

A free Segway rental is included in every purchase. “We think this is the best way to get the residents off our backs, and maybe make a little money in the process,” Councilman Merv Gatz said as a man driving a car with Tennessee license plates passed and made an obscene gesture. “They’ve been pestering us for years about traffic congestion, so following in the footsteps of our forefathers, we went full speed ahead and somehow ended up here. It seems to work in London, so why not here?”

In 2003, London officials imposed a daily $11 fee to those who wanted to drive in downtown. The intent was to lessen the number of cars on city streets, encourage the use of public transportation, and create tax revenue to fund road maintenance and repairs.

So far the program has generated $45 million for the city, according to Victoria Ann Elizabeth, a traffic enforcement manager for London’s Motorcar Management Division.

“Right off we had a bit of the old swiffer, but as the blokes got used to it they began to fancy the whole bit,” Elizabeth said. “Everyone’s been getting pissed ever since. Now if we could get our hands around that bugger, we’d be top drawer.”

Residents seemed to welcome the new law with opens arms.

“Finally I’ll be able to play street hockey in front of my house without having to worry about dying,” 14-year-old Timmy Toogood said.

“Good riddance, the bastards,” 89-year-old Grum P. Oleman said, as he sat on a plastic chair in front of his home on La Mesa Drive. “We don’t have to worry much about traffic north of Montana, but when I want to drive into town to get my hemorrhoid medication, I don’t like to sit too long in traffic if you know what I mean. I need quick relief, and this law brings it.”

Business owners and elected officials disagree. “What this will do is make life harder for everyone, residents included,” said Phil Thee Rich, a real estate developer. “If workers can’t get to the city without a hassle, they’ll go elsewhere, if businesses can’t get deliveries, how are we to get our caviar and cases of Moet? Our quality of life is at stake here, and I haven’t even talked about those living below the 10 Freeway. Can you imagine if the 99 Cent Store just went out of business?”

Los Angeles Mayor Tony Vila Grosa said cutting off Santa Monica would create massive traffic congestion for the westside. Cars will be backed up for miles, he said, causing disruption in the local economy to the tune of $35 million per day.

“And that’s not all,” Vila Grosa said at a press conference attended by one gadfly. “Can you imagine the amount of road rage that will happen? People will be splitting heads open right and left. If Santa Monica goes through with this, we’ll be forced to file suit in the interest of preserving public safety.”

Councilwoman Jan Iware Blac O’Donner said the council will move forward with the law, which she said provides relief that residents need, while balancing the interests of businesses.

“With money that we generate from this program, we can invest more in public transportation that is sorely needed, OK kiddo?” O’Donnor said, as a woman driving a Miata with Arizona plates passed and shouted obscene comments. “If the City of LA wants to contribute to help out their residents as we are doing for ours, they are more than welcome, but we will not be intimidated by anyone, including the Democrats’ rising star, Mr. Vila Grosa. OK kiddo?”

A source in City Hall said there is some concern that the law will be too difficult to enforce, and that the Santa Monica Police Department may become overwhelmed and not be able to perform crucial duties, such as arresting drunks, prostitutes and the occasional disabled man masturbating in a wheelchair.

“They’re mostly young bucks looking for action, not to be handing out tickets,” the source said. “Their attention needs to be focused elsewhere. We’ll see how long this thing lasts before all goes to hell.”

Currently there are not enough parking spaces immediately outside of the city limits, so officials are considering constructing three parking structures in high traffic areas and charge a daily rate of $20\. Further studies are expected in the coming months.

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2006.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/040106.pdf?ref=smdp.com)