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# Good-bye client No. 9, hello to the big dance
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/good-bye-client-no-9-hello-to-the-big-dance/
- Published: 2008-03-14T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T23:40:28.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD WEEK? How about Eliot Spitzer? One day he’s a crime-fighting New York governor and the next he’s identified as a high-priced hooker’s “Customer No. 9.” Spitzer’s resignation comes only 16 months after he received 70 percent of the vote. As popular as Reagan was, he never even got 60 percent.

What’s being little reported is Spitzer was about to go after the banks in the sub-prime scandal. Instead the Feds are bailing out these companies. Whereas Spitzer was using his own money with call girl Kristin, the Federal Reserve is using ours. But with sex we are shocked and outraged! Only in America. In Italy it’s a scandal if the president doesn’t have a mistress.

We have no shortage of sex scandals. Within the last year there was Larry Craig (R-Idaho) in a public bathroom soliciting gay sex (plead guilty to disorderly conduct) and David Vitters (R-La.) who used a D.C. madam prostitute to put him in diapers. Yikes. Both senators still maintain they’re strong family values Republicans. Evidently there’s a certain amount of wiggle room in the term “family values.”

Spitzer used a prostitution ring known, ironically, as “The Emperor’s Club.” His personal paramour, Kristin charged $1,500 an hour. At the height of Spitzer’s political popularity, some predicted he might become the first Jewish president. As a Jew myself, I have only one comment: $1,500 an hour?! Are you kidding?

I’m no expert but Kristin’s rates seem a little high. But maybe she was a college graduate? You see, kids, whatever field you go into, it pays to stay in school.

Fortunately, this Sunday might overshadow the sleazy Spitzer saga as it’s the beginning of a riveting event — and no, I’m not talking about Nordstrom’s Easter Sale. “Selection Sunday” marks the unveiling of the NCAA brackets, which reveals which 65 teams will make a run for the collegiate national basketball title in a sports drama known as “The Big Dance.”

This tournament is such a part of the culture that it has its own vernacular. A “brack-etologist” (not to be confused with a proctologist) is an expert in analyzing the brackets and predicting who will win in what round. A “bubble team” (nothing to do with baths or gum) is a college right on the edge of getting into the tournament. A “Cinderella team,” is often a bubble team that, against all odds, makes a run toward the championship (Don’t hold your breath as almost all Cinderella teams eventually turn back into pumpkins).

Indicative of the popularity, (or maybe the reason) is the fact that the NCAA tournament is the most heavily wagered sporting event in the U.S. It’s bigger than the Kentucky Derby, the World Series and the NBA playoffs combined.

Teams come from small college towns as well as big universities. Fans in each city enter betting pools, camp out overnight for tickets and otherwise go insane. They call it March Madness. On Monday after the 65 teams are announced, at offices all across the country, so many brackets are Xeroxed, that there are reports of copy paper and toner shortages.

People go so gonzo that a urologist in New York advertises that the tournament is the perfect time to get that vasectomy you’ve been putting off. His post-operative instructions include legs propped up on the couch in front of the TV, one hand holding a bag of ice strategically placed and the other hand on the remote.

The NCAA tournament is actually a throwback to a more innocent time. Students at some small colleges are ecstatic just to “be dancing.” At major schools like UCLA, however, it’s serious business. Keep in mind the tournament follows a 30 game season filled with injuries fatigue and frustrations — and I’m talking about for the fans! For UCLA in this single loss elimination, anything less than a Final Four appearance might be considered a failure. Mary, a reader of mine and lifelong parishioner at St. Monica’s Church confesses (pun intended) that during the tournament she has occasionally prayed to Saints Jude and Anthony, the patron saints of hopeless causes. Maybe that explains how two years ago UCLA came from nowhere to beat Gonzaga in the last seconds.

I see now all over the Internet are Kristin’s photos, only she’s Ashley Alexandra Dupre. The name alone sounds like $1,500\. I say watch basketball. We always have sex scandals, but the Big Dance only comes once a year.

When JACK NEWORTH isn’t glued to the NCAA tournament on TV, he

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on March 14, 2008.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/031408.pdf?ref=smdp.com)