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# Happy holidays, now get a lawyer and counselor
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/happy-holidays-now-get-a-lawyer-and-counselor/
- Published: 2004-12-07T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-25T01:27:51.000Z
- Author: David Pisarra
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*WHAT’S THE POINT?*

Chanukah begins tonight, and Christmas and Kwanzaa are right around the corner. This holiday season is upon us, and with it comes the inevitable increase in fights among family members. When your spouse comes home drunk and belligerent, there are several things you can do.

The first thing to know is that the police have a legal obligation to prevent violence. In a domestic dispute if there are sufficient grounds to believe that violence is about to occur, the police can and will issue a restraining order. And frequently when the police are called for domestic violence scene they are forced to arrest one party, whether it be the husband or wife.

If you are faced with a domestic violence situation and depending on whether you’re the man or the woman, you should be prepared to leave the home immediately, taking with you any minor children.

There are 23 shelters in Los Angeles County that are available from Artesia to Whittier. The local hotline in Santa Monica is Sojourn Services for Battered Women and Their Children at (310) 264- 6644\. They are a clearinghouse for information and services on domestic violence prevention, and they respond to calls from women and men.

When you have a dangerous spouse, the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself, and that means that you need to be prepared. In today’s society, even though many women are successful in the business world, they frequently do not pay close attention to the family finances. When the time comes in a relationship for the parties to separate, the woman frequently does not get as much as she should, mainly because she does not know where all the assets are located. On the flip side, the man frequently suffers a huge drop in his standard of living because he usually will be forced to get an apartment.

The hardest part for most families in crisis is the economic devastation they go through because they lack the financial resources and now they must support two households.

If you are faced with a pending divorce or family crisis, these are the questions you should ask yourself: 1\. Where are all the bank accounts? His, mine, ours, his company account — if he owns a business. 2\. Where are all the stock accounts? 3\. Where are all the statements for the bank, credit cards, charge accounts, company accounts, if he owns his own company, pension and 401(k)s. 4\. Where are all the check registers? 5\. What property do we own? Make sure you have a separate set of copies of the bank statements, credit card bills, stock portfolios, taxes for the last five years, and household bills to give your attorney. It is much easier to make copies, before one of you has moved out.

The credit card statements can give you a great view of where the money is going, and how much of it there is. Phone bills also are important to find out if there is a second business, or home.

If your spouse owns his or her own business, you need to know how much money it really makes. Business owners have excellent ways of hiding their income and you need to know how it’s going to be hidden. If you are close to getting a divorce, you need to do some research on how well the company is doing. Call the bookkeeper and discreetly ask how business is going.

You want to find out who the top five clients and vendors are. Vendors are people the company buys products from. This is important because an attorney and a forensic accountant can work backwards to find out how much money the company should be making, based on what it is buying.

The emotional damage a divorce causes can be extreme. You should have a good support network in place to deal with the inevitable feelings of loss, grief, anger, hurt and sadness.

Understand that your lifestyle is going to go down. It costs more to run two households than one. You will change friends and acquaintances, you might live somewhere different, eat in new restaurants and shop in new stores. This could be a good thing if you take this opportunity to grow and change for the better. Talk to your friends and find a good counselor who can help with your pain.

Divorce is costly. The basic divorce is going to cost between $4,000 and $12,000 if both parties have a lawyer. If there are child or spousal support issues, or if there is property being fought over, the cost of divorce can increase to no end.

Anyone should have a savings account before starting a divorce. Even if the money in it is community property, everyone should have quick and easy access to cash. In case they need to rent an apartment quickly, buy a new car, or meet other expenses.

Be prepared for your attorney to ask for a sizable amount of money for a retainer. Some attorneys require a $10,000 retainer, others as low as $2,500\. It simply depends on your case, the amount of property to fight over and your spouses’ ability to fight.

This is a starting point and there is much more to know, but preparation can ease your way through this painful process and help you to recover better in the long run. (David Pisarra is a partner in the Santa Monica law firm of Pisarra & Grist. He (310) 664-9969 or by e-mail at).

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 7, 2004.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/120704.pdf?ref=smdp.com)