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# Jealousy is normal
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/jealousy-is-normal/
- Published: 2007-03-06T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T23:33:15.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*By Call us at (310) 458-7737 Dorie Meek Dear Dorie*

Dear Dorie, I read an article in a magazine about infant and toddler empathy. I’m embarrassed to write that my 2-year-old and 4-year old spend more time fighting than trying to understand each other’s feelings. Is there something I can be doing to nurture their development in this area?

Watching in Wonder Dear Watching, The recent research in brain development confirms what most parents have known all along: infants and toddlers have very strong feelings of empathy and jealousy much ear-lier than we previously thought. In fact, their brains are brilliantly pre-wired for it. They just have to learn it.

Have you ever been in a room of infants when one begins to cry? In a blink, the other babies are crying. Simply put, we now know that they are not just startled or afraid, they are also telling us they hear someone in discomfort that needs help.

But the development of empathy is a multi-step process that progresses uniquely for each child. First, they must discover that people feel upset just as they do. Then, they must understand that people can feel differently than they do. Finally, they must learn to decide how to comfort another person when they feel distress (or not). The comprehension and application of this information can take years.

Your two toddlers are on their own path of enlightenment with respect to empathy and, in typical toddler fashion, still very healthily egocentric. What you can do is support the development of the steps. Talk about different feelings. Use the “I see …” and “I wonder if …” technique of dialogue so you don’t impose your own feelings on them. For example, “I see that your sister is crying. I wonder if she is sad.” Point out differences in feelings between the two of them and model suggestions for comforting like, “Should we go get her blankie?”

If children are allowed to express their emotions and have their feelings validated, empathy will follow.

Good luck.

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on March 6, 2007.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/030607.pdf?ref=smdp.com)