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# Let’s put the die in Diebold
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/lets-put-the-die-in-diebold/
- Published: 2006-10-31T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-23T21:54:33.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*By LAUGHING MATTERS BY JACK NEWORTH*

When I was a kid growing up in Los Angeles during the ‘50s, large companies, such as Fuller Brush, employed door-to-door salesmen. A total stranger would come into our house to sell his wares, which I know sounds like the plot of a cheap horror movie.

Another door-to-door company was the Encyclopedia Britannica. My father designated a special place on our bookshelves for these revered tomes, but frankly, they were never much competition for Superman and Archie comic books. But the Britannicas did come in handy when I had a paper due for school. No schlep to the library, I’d just get the stepstool, drag the correct volume off the shelf and begin plagiarizing. My older sister taught me to add a note to the teacher: “I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.” How embarrassing.

Today, our version of “door-to-door” is the Internet. When I first thought of a column about “0ctober Surprises,” I went to Wikipedia’s web site... “When an administration is in trouble, it can resort to a policy designed to alter the course of an upcoming election.” Hmm. This month in Iraq may turn out to be the deadliest ever, and Afghanistan is close to slipping back into Taliban control. Sounds like trouble to me, but Dick Cheney says,“Overall our situation is going remarkably well.” Forget the insurgency, I think Cheney’s in the last throes.

The most notorious October surprise was in 1980\. The Republicans worried President Carter would announce the release of our hostages in Iran, and the Democrats worried Ronald Reagan’s people were behind the scenes discouraging the release. All I know is the hostages were ultimately released on Reagan’s inaugural, and the Iranians later received TOW missiles from us. But who’s pointing fingers?

Here at home the list of Republicans guilty of corruption, or indicted, or about to be indicted,is so long you need a program to tell one from the other. For convenience, the list should be alphabetized — Abramoff, Cunningham, DeLay, Libby, Savavian and Weldon. Ironically, last week George Bush declared “Character Counts”week.It should have been “Character Counts for Nothing”week?

President Bush brags the economy is booming and the price of gas is down. He forgets to mention the debt is $8 trillion, that’s with a “t,” and a gallon of gas is double what it was when Bill Clinton left office. It’s as though Bush can screw up for the last five years and 11 months and then say, “But things are OK now.” Are we that stupid? I guess the answer is yes.

Then there’s the Foley scandal. How twisted is this scenario: the chairman of the Committee to Protect Missing and Exploited Children is the one exploiting them! I just hope Foley does-n’t hold a press conference and shed crocodile tears like Duke Cunningham, who obviously took tips from Jimmy Swaggart.

Some are predicting the October surprise may be the bombing of Iran. Is that all? Bush continues to describe world events as “unacceptable” and Karl Rove is way too quiet. But the biggest October surprise may come in November. I’m referring to the possible hacking of the Diebold voting machines. Diebold’s CEO has bragged numerous times he raises money for the Republican party. Isn’t that just a teensy-weensy conflict of interest? If we can’t guarantee a fair election, what can we guarantee? More missiles?

Instead of Jimmy Carter flying to Third World countries to monitor elections, maybe he ought to stay here.

The thought of our elections being hacked by a keyboard stroke is demoralizing, as in why bother to vote. Of course, maybe that’s what they want. I’d say, “I’m mad as hell,” but Paddy Chayefsky beat me to it by 30 years. So what can we do? For now, I’m writing this. If I get any bright ideas, I’ll try to squeeze them into my next column.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. How embarrassing.

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 31, 2006.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/103106.pdf?ref=smdp.com)