> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.smdp.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Little support for Dad when he lands in court - URL: https://www.smdp.com/little-support-for-dad-when-he-lands-in-court/ - Published: 2005-06-21T15:00:00.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-25T00:17:01.000Z - Author: David Pisarra - Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import Welcome to child support payments. Now that the Hallmark version of fatherhood has just passed, I thought I’d take a look at what it is like for the not-quite-ready-for-Norman Rockwell version of being a father. Hopefully, most fathers want to be a part of their children’s lives. For some this comes naturally, for others it comes a little slower. Those fathers who are lucky enough to be married to the mother of their children are hopefully happy and enjoying the picture perfect life. For those who don’t quite fit the mold, life and fatherhood can be quite different. If you are an unmarried male parent, you are in a dangerous place when it comes to your rights, and more so when it comes to your responsibilities. The law recognizes mothers immediately for the obvious reason that a child was brought forth from her, but not so with fathers. A man must take some action to secure his place in a child’s life. He must make sure that the mother puts his name down as the father. Depending on your relationship with the mother of your child, you may find that co-parenting is the greatest pleasure in the world, or an excruciating traumatic battle that resembles war. Some couples work really well together as co-parents who are not married. They have no problems with money or visitation, no disagreements about medical care or schooling, and some get along great in dealing with religious issues. Other couples might not have an easy a time. There are five main areas that people fight over: money, visitation, medical care, schooling and religion. MONEY AND CHILD SUPPORT This is the area where most men protect themselves the least, get into the most trouble and yet it is probably the easiest to handle. If the mother of your children goes to court to get a child support order, and you do not have a custody arrangement with her in writing, she can tell the judge that you make however much money she wants, and the judge will decide how much child support you must pay, and not listen to your side of the story. Period. She wins, and gets a judgment against you. Then she takes that judgment and goes to the district attorney’s office, they take the judgment, and garnish your wages, tax refund, suspend your drivers license and take your lottery winnings. Additionally, if she has said there is back child support owed, they will charge you for that. All of this will accrue interest, meaning you are paying interest on a child support award that you did not agree to, and there is nothing that can be done to stop it unless you go back into court, get an agreement with her for child custody, show how much you really make and then hopefully get her to reduce the amount of money she claims was owed her. WELFARE: THE ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE If at any time she should go on welfare and collect relief for herself and your child, you will be forced to repay that money. The district attorney will open a child support case and come after your paycheck, tax refund, suspend your driver’s license, and lottery winnings. This money must be repaid, and no one can waive the repayment, or the interest on it. The best way to avoid all of this is to be a responsible dad, have a written custody agreement with a realistic child support payment that you can make, and be sure to keep a payment history with supporting documents. That means keep hard copies of the checks that have been cashed, never give cash unless you get a handwritten receipt from her, and if you pay in money orders you must keep a copy of it. The reason for keeping records is that at any time the mother can come back into your life to demand payment. For example, I spent Monday morning going through the microfiche records of Los Angeles County to find a 23-year-old divorce case. The reason is that the father never paid the $200 a month child support he was supposed. Now he has money, and property, and we are going after him for the $100,000 he owes his ex-wife, 23 years after their divorce was finalized. How angry do you think he will be? VISITATION, MEDICAL CARE, SCHOOLING AND RELIGION The remaining four areas people fight over are decided for the most part by a negotiation between the parties. Only in extreme cases, does the court get forced to make decisions in these areas. Most people are able to work out a program in the best interests of the child. In the case of visitation and custody, a child custody evaluation can be ordered by the court. This is a person who meets state-mandated criteria for qualifications to make an evaluation and recommendation as to where the child should live based on the living conditions, quality of home life, stability of the parties, emotional maturity and best interests of the child. Medical care is likewise determined by going to outside sources only in the rarest of cases. When one parent refuses to acknowledge or treat a known condition, or perhaps the treating physician isn’t doing a good job, the court may order independent evaluations by new doctors. Schooling and religion are two areas the court avoids getting involved in as much as possible. The parties should try to work out a reasonable solution, otherwise the court is likely to make a decision that no one wants. (David Pisarra is a partner in the Santa Monica law firm of Pisarra & Grist specializing in business development. He (310)664-9969 or by e-mail at) *Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on June 21, 2005.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/062105.pdf?ref=smdp.com)