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# Make like a tree
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/make-like-a-tree/
- Published: 2008-04-01T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T19:07:50.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Environment, Downtown, #archive-import

*and … hump?*

*By DARKWING DUCK Special to the Daily Planet*

DOWNTOWN Founder of Santa Monica Treesavers Jerry Rueben is trying to separate the real tree savers from the tree fakers.

Rueben recently discovered most of the treesavers in Santa Monica have a sick fetish. They are Dendrophiliacs — people sexually attracted to or sexually aroused by trees.

“Needless to say, this is a very disappointing day for the city of Santa Monica,” Rueben said in a statement released Mar. 31\. “We all love trees. But some people just love to hump trees. I beg of you evil doers, leave our innocent trees alone! And if you must have your way, please be gentle...”

Shortly after making the statement, 98 percent of Rueben’s supporters called his office to inform officials they were no longer going to support Rueben’s organization in Santa Monica.

Dendrophiliacs across Santa Monica came out Monday to support their cause, saying they still want to keep trees in the Santa Monica area, and it shouldn’t matter if its for their own personal reasons.

“I still want to save these trees, but not for Rueben anymore. I want to save them for me and my family. We’re dendrophiliacs, and we’re proud of it,” said Treaf Yucker, a lifelong Santa Monica resident.

“My brother is actually engaged to a palm tree near the beach. I haven’t seen him this happy since before a coral cheated on him three years ago... with me.”

Dendrophiliacs say they are attracted to trees because of their rough exterior, “cute” branches and “dreamy” roots. They also say it benefits them that trees don’t have any known sexually transmitted diseases.

In an effort to go green, male dendrophil-iacs said they would wear green condoms made of lamb skin instead of rubber made from petroleum products.

Without the help of dendrophiliacs, Rueben believes he and the remaining two percent of Treesavers can fight to keep trees alive in Santa Monica for the right reasons.

“Speaking from experience, dendrophilia is not the way to go,”he said, ending his press release.

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2008.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/040108.pdf?ref=smdp.com)