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# Merry Happy Kwanzaa, Chanukah & Christmas
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/merry-happy-kwanzaa-chanukah-christmas/
- Published: 2007-12-21T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-25T01:31:26.000Z
- Author: Jack Neworth
- Tags: Opinion, Montana, #archive-import, Homeless

ALL THIS CHRISTMAS CHEER CAN BE downright exhausting... at least the shopping portion. If you’re anywhere near Main Street or Montana Avenue or the promenade, the sound you hear is probably not jingle bells, but cash registers. Heaven help the poor soul who hasn’t done his or her Christmas shopping, which of course is I.

Cynicism aside, it’s nice to wish happy holidays to family, friends and total strangers. In recent years, however, even this benign gesture has become polarized. Bill O’Reilly suggests that saying “Happy Holidays” is part of a “War on Christmas.” O’Reilly needs to take up a hobby, that is, other than falafels and loofahs.

Somehow, the world seems obsessed with religion and it’s true in the U.S. In 1988, when Pat Robertson ran for president, I hoped it was a passing phase, but since 9/11 it’s not passing. Some days, it feels as though I’ve moved to a theocracy. The religious right claim liberals have taken God out of the schools, though I thought that was what churches were for. (Judging from test scores, math and science appear to have been taken out of the schools.) Some say “The Treaty of Tripoli,” signed by John Adams in 1796, is proof we were to be a secular government. Of course, the religious right have God on their side, who, if he exists, would be tough to argue with.

There’s an axiom that in polite conversation one ought not to discuss religion and/or politics, and here I’m doing both. Last week, I was apparently worse. In discussing Mitt Romney, I repeated a comment from an evangelical Web site about Mormons’ undergarments and it came out as a cheap joke. (For what I get paid, whatdya expect?) In the past, I’ve made jokes about the Pope’s hat, but either Catholics are inured — it is quite a hat, after all — or they don’t read my column. Being Jewish, I’ve also commented about the yarmulke worn in Temple by males on the crown of the head. Talmudic scholars teach us the yarmulke is to show humility, but as it happens, it’s also ideal for covering that embarrassing bald spot.

Following last week’s column, I received a number of e-mails, not all flattering. One was from longtime Santa Monica resident Mark Paredes, who is a High Councilor in the Mormon Church. Yikes! But there’s a silver lining in my faux pas, as Mark and I have been e-mailing back and forth. He’s teaching me about the Mormon faith and I’m teaching him to forgive the tellers of cheap jokes.

I didn’t know that the Mormon Church is the second largest in California, with 800,000 members. The Catholic Church is the biggest, which means in the future, I better go easy on the Pope’s hat. In the local area, the Mormon Church has eight congregations and 3,000 members, with two chapels in Santa Monica with 600 to 700 members. While there are many different sects in Christianity, in Judaism, we only have three: Orthodox, Conservative and Reformed, the latter being mine. (To many of the Orthodox and Conservative faith, Reformed is kind of “Jewish-lite.”) Being a Reformed Jew, I have no problem wishing anyone a Merry Christmas. But in these PC times, it’s not easy. As I go to greet someone, I have to first determine if they Christian or Jewish, and then make sure I get Chanukahs and Christmases right. Next year, Chanukah starts on the 21st, which will only complicate matters.

Or if the person is a Muslim, what do I say, “Sorry, I forgot Ramadan was in September”? And if a friend is black, I’d worry they’d think I was being sarcastic with “Happy Kwanzaa.” (Is it Happy or Merry Kwanzaa?) That’s why “Happy Holidays” seemed the perfect solution, that is until Billo.

This year, O’Reilly is claiming victory in his phony war on Christmas. In his unique brand of holiday spirit, he recently compared actor Tim Robbins, campaigning in Iowa for John Edwards, to Hitler’s foreign minister. Forget the hobby, O’Reilly needs one of those loofah sponges for his mouth.

One thing’s for sure, it’s going to be a spectacular Christmas for the Cornerstone Music Conservatory. On the 22nd, they were going to be homeless until their new place is ready. Picture all the little Tiny Tims in the snow holding their violins. (OK, forget the snow part.) A reprieve! Temporarily, they can move in next door to their new place at Fields Piano at Pico and Bundy!

I hope I’ve made amends for last week’s column and not offended anyone new with this one. (A few Rabbis perhaps with the Jewish-lite crack.) With Christmas only a few days away, I borrow from Tiny Tim, “God bless us, everyone! Even the blowhard with the loofah.”

JACK NEWORTH also writes “Channel Surfing,” a TV review column, for the Daily Press. He

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 21, 2007.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/122107.pdf?ref=smdp.com)