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# Cronicas Offers a Gripping Start but Loses Its Momentum
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/review-20050708-2/
- Published: 2005-07-08T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-23T07:23:17.000Z
- Author: Dan Dunn
- Tags: Entertainment, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*Avoid this ‘Fantastic’ film flop*

Here are four fantastic reasons to avoid the “Fantastic Four: ■ It’s a toy commercial disguised as a movie. A disjointed narrative, woeful character development and ineffectual central conflict are three of the most obvious violations of basic dramatic structure in a film littered with them. All events seem to occur randomly, with the only clear directive being to squeeze in as many Xbox and PS2 game-friendly set pieces/advertisements as possible. Examples of such contrived digressions include a snowboard chase scene (replete with a Maxim model) wedged into a hospital recovery sequence, and a laborious bit that finds Johnny Storm, AKA the Human Torch (Chris Evans), taking a break from saving humanity to participate in a motocross competition. The “Fantastic Four” video game, incidentally, is already available in stores — a clever little ploy to entice legions of young gamers into theaters. ■ The leads fail basic chemistry. Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd) and the Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) really should have asked their pal Torch to light a flame under their asses, ‘cuz they fail to generate so much as a single spark on their own. These two easily out-fizzle “Hellboy’s” Ron Perlman and Selma Blair as the most mismatched comic book movie pair ever. It must be noted, however, that Alba is still very hot. ■ The creative team has created some serious crap. Director Tim Story’s last film was the Jimmy Fallon- Queen Latifah stinker “Taxi.” Screenwriter Michael France penned “Hulk” and “Cliffhanger.” Producer Bernd Eichinger is responsible for the “Resident Evil” scourge. ■ The Thing (Michael Chiklis) looks like a giant Rice Krispie. On top of that, there’s the worrisome casting of “Ray’s” Kerry Washington as Thing’s blind African- American love interest. Washington is certainly a talented actress, but you’ve got to wonder why she receives ad billing alongside the principals despite garnering barely one minute of screen time. Could it be a calculated and unbecoming attempt to compensate for an otherwise complete lack of ethnic diversity in the cast? If so, it’s bad enough most comic book adaptations are shamefully whitewashed, without token parts thrown in to assuage deservedly guilty consciences. (Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and some suggestive content. Running time: 105 minutes)

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on July 8, 2005.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/070805.pdf?ref=smdp.com)