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# Taming little sluggers
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/taming-little-sluggers/
- Published: 2007-02-20T16:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T23:17:28.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

Dear Dorie, Can you please give me some help with responses for my son’s hitting? He is three years old and otherwise, fantastic. But when he gets upset with me (usually saying no to something he wants or having to leave the park when he’s not ready) he has started to hit me.

Punching Bag Parent Dear Punching Bag, If you had to take your pick between hit-ting, kicking, shoving and biting, believe it or not, you would pick hitting. It is a common phase for toddlers as they learn how to communicate their feelings, and arguably the easiest to deal with on a regular basis as they progress through this developmental phase.

First things first: emergency preparedness. If your son hits you, have your verbal response at the tip of your tongue. Popular choices are: “I will not hit you and you may not hit Mommy,” “It is not okay to hit me, you must stop,” or “I see that you are angry, but you may not hit me.” The key is to deliver your choice of come backs while you are down on your son’s level (eye-to-eye) and firmly holding his fists to stop the hitting. Keep your voice calm but serious and avoid the guilt-based response (e.g. “How dare you hit Mommy.”) The other important thing to remember is consistency. Repetition is the key to toddler comprehension. If he knows that this behavior will not be tolerated and will be handled the same way each time, he will seek other ways to communicate his feelings and that is exactly what you want.

On the proactive side, try to stay alert to what is triggering the emotional outburst. If leaving the park is upsetting, give ample advance warning and help him understand the need for the transition away from the fun activity. If denial of an object or food item is the trigger, suggest an alternative time for the treat to help him understand that you are affirming his feelings but still in charge. Your son does-n’t want to hit you personally, he’s doing the absolute best he can to communicate intense emotions and you happen to be in the way. Your job is to help him communicate in a more appropriate fashion and keep yourself from wanting to hit back. Good luck.

Dorie Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Submit your questions to

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 20, 2007.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/022007.pdf?ref=smdp.com)