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# Tears of a hopeless romantic in the city
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/tears-of-a-hopeless-romantic-in-the-city/
- Published: 2007-09-21T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-25T01:02:11.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

*By Mark Marchillo Odd Man Out*

I WAS WATCHING A SOAP OPERA THE other day. One of the old ones — “Santa Barbara” — from the ‘80s. Good show, they really should re-air it. But man, the romance. I mean we’re talking lavish fairy-tale weddings, horseback rides on the beach, champagne with engagement rings lingering at the bottom of the glass. True romance is so much more than just a walk on the beach and a nice dinner in an overpriced restaurant. There’s an element of intrigue and passion that these soap writers really have a hold on, I must say; elements that us average joes lack. How I’d love to do something so fantastic for my man (that is, if I had one). Something exotic and frivolous; a sail-away on a luxurious yacht to the Mediterranean or poetic notes luring him to a secret romantic hideaway in the woods … you know, crazy stuff like that.

So my question is, why don’t we go that extra mile? Take that trip down the tunnel of love to a perfect setting made just for us two?

Some men respond to romance. I know I do. But do you appear soft to another guy when you go all out like that? Is it trying too hard? We live in a casual world — casual clothes, casual dinners, casual sex. Formality may seem obsolete and even pathetic in a society where we believe we’re so much more sophisticated than we really are. On the other hand, I wonder if it might put you a cut above the rest. That you went the extra mile, and cared enough to. That you loved him that much to try harder, to be more creative. To love more.

But where do the lines blur? Male/male relationships are different than male/female relationships. The dynamics are totally different. I’d like to think that buying that yellow rose or slipping on a tie for a change could make the evening better, more spontaneous, unlike the other mundane days. But is that sort of stuff just the mark of a boring softy? Men like: A.) men; B.) immediacy; and C.) whatever they can’t have. Being romantic in such an extreme way opens you up to that other person and you’re completely vulnerable. If you’re willing to be vulnerable to someone, it tells him you’re also willing to be his completely. Then that’s the fear. I’m afraid a man won’t want the silly thoughtfuls on his plate if a one-time dip in the hot fondue tempts his more adventurous bone.

And there you have it: the fears of a hopeless romantic.

MARK MARCHILLO is a freelance filmmaker and all-together nice guy living in Santa Monica. Send comments or suggestions regarding his column to

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on September 21, 2007.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/092107.pdf?ref=smdp.com)