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# Time-honored art of procrastination
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/time-honored-art-of-procrastination/
- Published: 2008-03-28T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-24T23:45:24.000Z
- Author: Jack Neworth
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import

I’VE DECIDED TO TAKE A WEEK OFF from bashing Bush, or the war, or even the ficus fiasco on Fourth and Second streets. Lately it feels like I’m either preaching to the choir or to a stone wall. One reader sent an e-mail saying my rants are “boring.” Okay, I can take a hint. Actually, that was slightly more than a hint.

Instead, I’ll talk about my new favorite author, Bill Bryson. “The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid” is a hilarious look at growing up during the 50’s. Prolific as he is funny, Bryson’s other books include “I’m a Stranger Here Myself,” about returning to the U.S. after living abroad for 20 years, and “A Walk Into the Woods,” about his misadventures hiking the Appalachian Trail.

I heard about Bryson from another reader who charitably suggested my writing reminded her of his. Remember the 1988 vice-presidential debate when Lloyd Bentsen told Dan Quail, “I knew JFK and you’re no JFK?” Having read three Bill Bryson books, I’m no Bill Bryson.

Bryson and I do have something in common as he wrote a weekly humor column. He once said that the moment he sent in one column it felt like the next one was due. I know the feeling too well. Next month will mark two years and 100 columns for the SMDP. But for the past 90 somehow I’ve put the “pro” in procrastination. Each submission is a mad dash to the deadline.

When I first approached the then SMDP editor and co-founder, Carolyn Sackariason, she was skeptical that I could meet a weekly deadline. She insisted I have a backlog of columns before I began. Offended, I decided to show her.

Within the first week I had finished four columns. By the end of the second I had completed nine and e-mailed them all in at once. Carolyn seemed impressed. Actually, so was I. But frankly, it’s been downhill ever since. There is no backlog anymore. If I don’t come up with something fast you could be staring at “Jack is busy on vacation,” which is code for “Jack is busy procrastinating.”

One reason I procrastinate is I can’t stand staring at the empty page on my computer screen. Instead of divine inspiration, all I think about is how did my monitor get so dusty? Sometimes I merely clean the monitor and call it a day. So I no longer just sit at the computer to see what I’m thinking.After all, I could wear out my monitor with too much Windex.

For me to begin a column I have to have an idea of what I want to say — seems logical. I at least have to have a catchy opening sentence. In this column I’ve apparently waived the “catchy opening sentence” rule.

In addition to columns, I’ve written a novel, screenplays, plays and weekly grocery lists. Actually I’ve written 15 screenplays, which begs the question “Why?” It’s a bit of a sore subject. Four have been bought or optioned but none have ever been made into a movie, which is basically the whole point.

With a screenplay I don’t start writing until I’ve made detailed notes about the opening scene, how Acts 1 & 2 end, and the very last scene. A movie script contains 100,000 words whereas these columns are around 800\. This means I’d have to write 1,875 more columns (36 years worth) to equal the number of words in my screenplays. I can’t fathom how many grocery lists it would take, though it doesn’t matter because I couldn’t eat that much.

With screenwriting it’s remarkable how it can take over. In going for a walk and thinking about my characters, on occasion I’ve experienced a range of emotions, from laughing to crying (Hopefully not back to back). In public this can tend to be rather embarrassing. I’ve gotten puzzled looks to reaching for cell phones to dial 911\. I’ve learned it’s best not to explain to a total stranger, “No, it’s not what you think! You see I was just…” Instead, I keep walking. Maybe even pick up the pace.

Many artists speculate that their work comes from a source outside themselves. I don’t consider my writing as art. Although my procrastination is pretty artful. My writing is more like carpentry. The first draft is the framing, the last draft like painting the trim. If a script is a house, a column is a room addition. If nothing else, I hope you’ll check out Bill Bryson’s books, as most are available at our library. He’s hilarious, as opposed to this. In fact, a couple more columns like this and the reader who said my political rants were boring, may be begging me to resume attacking Bush. That is, if I don’t procrastinate too much.

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on March 28, 2008.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/032808.pdf?ref=smdp.com)