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# You know, you might
- URL: https://www.smdp.com/you-know-you-might/
- Published: 2006-04-08T15:00:00.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-23T17:32:34.000Z
- Author: Guest Author
- Tags: Opinion, Santa Monica, #archive-import, Homeless

*just be a Republican*

*By GUEST COMMENTARY BY JEFF SKLAR*

Sixteen ideas in which you must believe to be a Republican today: 1\. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals, the homeless and Hillary Clinton. 2\. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan, Rumsfeld and Wolfowicz armed him; a bad guy when Bush Sr. made war on him; a good guy when Cheney did business with him; and a bad guy when Bush Jr. got elected and knew he needed a war to really cash in on his buddies, Scalia, Thomas, Rehnquist, Kennedy and O’Conner’s, giving him his 14th Amendment civil rights in Bush vs. Gore, in 2000\. 3\. Trade with Cuba is wrong because Castro is a lousy Communist dictator who violates Cubans’ civil rights, but trade with China, Turkey, and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. 4\. The United States should get out of the United Nations because its totally ineffective and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq and North Korea. 5\. Abortion and personal drug use must be staunchly and strictly regulated, but free market principles should prevail regarding the conduct of transnational oil companies affecting the entire planet. 6\. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the soldiers in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay, and mandating longer tours of duty after you get them in. 7\. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex. It’s been proven. 8\. A good way to fight terrorism is to insult, belittle, and demean our long-time allies, then demand their coopera-tion and money. 9\. Health care for all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is fiscally irresponsible socialism-no worries, HMO/insurance companies have the public’s best interests at heart. 10\. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism, with its sound rational logical foundation, should be taught in schools because: “you can’t prove it’s wrong.” 11\. The federal government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which of course, include banning gay marriages, censoring the Internet, and criminalizing hemp use. 12\. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s commodity cattle trades, but George Bush’s military service, family affiliation with the Bin Ladens, and driving record are none of our business. 13\. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a blowhard conservative radio host; then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery. 14\. You support states’ rights, but the Attorney General can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt and marijuana medical use is a matter for the federal government. 15\. Corporations are entitled to the same free speech civil liberties we all share, but since a corporation cannot read, there’s no need monitor what they might have checked out of the local library. 16\. A president lying about an affair is an impeachable offense, but a president who commits kids’ lives and a nations’ wealth to a war based on lies, fabrications, greed and stupidity is solid defense policy. (Jeff Sklar is a Santa Monica resident and a member of the local rent control board.)

*Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 8, 2006.* [Read the original PDF.](https://s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/smdp%5Fbackissues/040806.pdf?ref=smdp.com)