By Todd Flora
■ Being a progressive Democrat is tiring. And after reading my writing partner’s columns for three months, I’m starting to accept the fact that valuing quality of life, good corporate citizenship, our environment, and the public’s right to speak when it feels our nation’s priorities are misguided is all just brazen Communism! There, I said it. People like Evelyn love America more, and certainly KNOW more, than the rest of us.
Living Wages? I mean, who was I kid-ding. Why would we ask only our most well to do restaurants and hotel chains to pay a fraction more so their employees can eat AND clothe themselves. Plus, aren’t we all happier paying higher taxes to fund the public assistance many Santa Monica tourism workers must seek despite full time jobs? Talk about costs being passed on. I must be insane to support it. By sticking it to working people, we’ll make Santa Monica a more competitive marketplace, because it has suffered so egregiously over the last 20 years.
The other thing the “new me” must do is completely pretend that Santa Monica’s budget troubles and downtown vacancies have NOTHING to do with the overall economic slowdown. Ignore the fact that there currently isn’t a balanced budget to be found in America. Instead, blame who you and I both know (wink) deserves it —– Santa Monica liberals, especially the Pitty Clownsill! At the state level, keep doing nothing while interest costs on our deficit grow. That will earn our children’s respect.
Yes, like Evelyn, I will strive to become more of an “UNcompassionate conservative.” That wing of the Democratic Party is “the place to be,” and Evelyn can’t do it all alone. Apparently, the way to win elections is to basically give voters one choice in the form of two candidates. Just walk around claiming you’re a “pro-business Democrat.” I don’t know what that means, either. But just trust me.
Finally, we must support this war, because that’s the ONLY way to support our troops. Those city sponsored war resolutions add nothing to creating a healthier democracy, and are really un-American. Remember, it’s a GOOD thing to lose international respect and invite military and terrorist reprisals against Israel and the U.S. Please don’t be one of these people who shows their love of this country by appealing to its better angels, or asking it to live up to its highest ideals. We’re at our best when we just kick ass!
Yep. I’d be a “FOOL” to think otherwise.
Todd Flora is a professional issues manager who has served as State Director of the California Clean Money Campaign, a campaign finance reform effort, and the Concord Coalition, a budget watchdog organization. He is currently looking for a good pair of aviator sunglasses, and forming an “Evelyn Jerome Fan Club.” To respond or to reach Todd,
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2003. Read the original PDF.