CITY HALL — City Councilman Iam Starvin’ fell off his diet and was seen eating political rival Councilman Herb Fatz. The incident was witnessed by city clerk staff in the wee hours of the morning, shortly after the City Council meeting. “I got hungry and needed a late-night snack,” Starvin said from the dais. “Fatz just looked so satisfying. I didn’t care about the calories nor the possibility of jail time. I was more concerned with where I put the salt.”
In other political news, Mayor Rob Holemilk has decided to officially change his name to “Shriver” in order to win this fall’s election for City Council. Holemilk figures if he has name recognition, it’ll promise at least 10,000 votes. And Gen Kenser’s first public statement since his liver transplant: “Now I can piss away even more city money.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2006. Read the original PDF.