“‘BEACH WARS: OR HOW I LEARNED TO Spend Other People’s Money and Micromanage Their Lives,’ The story of an idealistic, progressive who sits at the feet of his grand wizard and enters the dark side of politics. He journeys to a charming west coast beach community with plenty of parking — but not a clothing-optional beach — and begins to form an army of progressive troopers with the help of Hollywood not-intellectuals Jane Fonda and Tom Hayden. He seduces the empty heads on the City Council by using the progressive force. The council then uses the Rent Control force to baffle the donkeys that make up the voting public. Only a handful of rebels, led by a mild-mannered reporter, fight back against the evil tyranny of the council. Ed Asner as the Wizard, Howard Stern as the progressive, Lindsay Lohan as Jane Fonda, Jim Belushi as Tom Hayden, the seven dwarves as the City Council and Britney Spears as the clothing-optional beachgoer, because she needs a job.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on July 28, 2007. Read the original PDF.