By Dorie Meek Dear Dorie Share your troubles with someone, mom
Dear Dorie, I have one fantastic little girl (toddler) whom I adore. I do my best to be a good parent and, most days, have a pretty good experience. But I feel like my stress level is higher than it has been my entire life. My day-to-day worries can’t be good for her but what am I supposed to do about it?
Supportively Stressed Dear Stressed, Thank you so much for admitting what every parent already knows: This job is harsh. When you first brought your beautiful baby girl home, our society assigned you the role of parent. They didn’t tell you how to do it so you had to do the best you could on your own for the most part. Sure, they showed up a little in the beginning but then they left it to you. The message was, “Have fun, it’s going to be the best time of your life.” Even the worst corporate jobs have a better new employee orientation than this.
Now fast-forward to the toddler years where your child is beginning to explore the concept of independence in ways that may or may not be palatable to you and what do you get? Stress. One of my favorite quotes about parenting reads, “To love a child this much is both courageous and ridiculous. Dread steals your breath away, then hope swells you drunk with gratitude. Every day is a huge bungee jump. The intensity either kills you or saves your life on a daily basis.”
Here are some ideas on how to “save your life” by lowering your stress level: ■Take care of yourself: Eat right, try to sleep right (ha!) and drink plenty of water. ■ Take a break: Schedule some “Mommy” time to do whatever you want to do … alone. ■Lose control: Do it her way whenever possible — allow her to be a toddler even if it’s messy or embarrassing. ■Talk about it: Admit to your spouse, friend or family member that it is challenging to be a good parent. ■Brag about it: When you have those great parent days — share them with anyone willing to listen … you deserve the acknowledgement Above all, know innately that you are not alone. Parenting young children is the most difficult job in the world and it requires more support than one person can provide. “It takes a village to raise a child” may be an African proverb but it is a global reality. Good luck.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 7, 2007. Read the original PDF.