sages. Green also makes good use of the Internet in keeping in touch with Jazzy, who signed her mother up for a Facebook account.
“It’s an adjustment,” Green said. Barbara McDonough remembers how painful the weeks leading up to her son, Matthew’s, departure were. The 2005 Samohi graduate left recently for a two-year mission for his church. McDonough’s other child, Courtney, graduated from Samohi in June and left for Brigham Young University in August.
“It was a lot of hustle and bustle of getting his clothes ready and once we took a breather and got everything done... there was a sense of sadness and a sense of happiness,” McDonough said.
But McDonough has found ways to fill the void left by both her daughter and son leaving the nest, reconnecting with her husband, going to the movies and getting to know one another better.
There’s also the comforting thought of knowing that the kids will be back soon.
“You end up counting the weeks until Thanksgiving break and count the weeks until Christmas break,” she said.
The empty nest effect can actually be felt as early as when children start heading off the nursery school and kids learn to become a little independent, said Lisa Frankel, a marriage and family therapist whose daughter is a senior at Samohi.
Parents can lessen the impact of experiencing the full on effects of the empty nest syndrome when their children go off to college by preparing early and changing their style of parenting. Recognize that children have a life of their own.
“You cannot parent a 12th grader like you parent a 13-year-old,” Frankel said.
Mom and dad can also try to become more independent by adopting new hobbies and refocusing their energy on the marriage. In some cases, once the child leaves the picture, the marriages can go by the wayside, Frankel said.
“A lot of women don’t know what else will give their life meaning,”Frankel said.“It’s a really confusing (time of life) for a lot of women.”
For many parents, the time when their children begin leaving the nest coincides with their parents starting to succumb to old age.
Frankel has been working with women in transition since the 1970s and is in the process of starting a new support group for women dealing with feelings of loss and changes because of an empty nest.
The Santa Monican went through a time of transition herself this summer when her daughter left for a trip to Ghana and her mother died.
“A lot of us are dealing with aging and dying parents,” Frankel said.
About four parents have already expressed interest in the group, which is set to begin once it reaches about six people. Rather than dish out advice, Frankel said she will help members tackle issues they are dealing with, issues with relationship, aging and mortality.
“You’ve got to feel what you’re going to feel,”Frankel said.“It takes as long as it takes, you just have to deal with it.”
For more information on the empty nest support group, contact Lisa Frankel at
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on October 30, 2007. Read the original PDF.