Dear Dorie, I’ve noticed that my 3-year old son doesn’t like to try new things. He seems really set in his routine and slow to warm-up with playdates and things like that. Is this normal? — Watching and Waiting Dear Waiting, Toddlers love set routines. The more safe and secure they feel in a given environment, the more comfortable and confident they will behave in their exploration and play. This is critical for their development and, take a deep exhale here, not a warning sign of antisocial behavior.
That said, a reluctance to play with a new friend or a refusal to get in the car to go to the park for example, can be frustrating to a parent. Here are a few suggestions: Make sure you allow plenty of time to transition from one setting to the other. Offer a 20-minute notice for the end of an outing, rather than the usual five-minute warning. Lay out tomorrow’s agenda during your bedtime ritual (e.g. “tomorrow after breakfast, we’re going to Johnnie’s house to play,” and provide transition objects in the car or stroller like your son’s favorite books or small toys — these items shouldn’t be taken into places, but used to soften his nerves during the transition.
Finally, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. If he’s happy with something, allow him ample time to experience it. Re-read favorite books again and again, play with the same toys and luxuriate in your son’s ability to stay focused. Good luck. — Dorie (Dorie Meek is director of the Infant & Family Support Program, provided by Saint John’s Health Center in partnership with the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. Meek answers questions concerning children ages birth to 5 years old. Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at, or call (310) 452-6132; fax (310) 452-6392).
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 9, 2005. Read the original PDF.