AFTER TWO WEEKS OF WAITING, THIS Sunday is the Super Bowl. I hate the second week between the League Championships and the Super Bowl. How many stories about Tom Brady’s ankle can you take? By the way, if you aren’t planning on watching the game, I’d keep it to myself. People might think you’re un-American.
Speaking of things I can’t take, on Monday George Bush gave his State of the Union.It was greeted nationwide with a collective yawn. The Home Shopping Network got higher ratings. But maybe I’m being a little snarky to George. So let me say something nice about his SOTU speech … it was his last.The nightmare is over. Well, almost. W still has 353 days 8 hours and 10 minutes — but who’s counting? Somehow I’m reminded of W’s mother’s unforgettable comment a few years ago when the twins got into legal trouble. Jenna was charged with using false I.D. to buy alcohol and Barbara for underage drinking. Later, they would be thrown out of Argentina for allegedly running naked down a hotel hallway.
A TV reporter approached Barbara Bush for a quote. I anticipated the political answer,“I’m sorry but this is a private, family matter.” But the matriarchal Mrs. Bush smiled, as though she’d been waiting years for this moment. “Well, now George knows how we felt.”
One can only imagine the hell that W must have put his parents through. As an adult he’s done it to the country. The saddest part is we came so close to avoiding it in Florida in 2000, but for a few hanging chads. And in Ohio in 2004, three Republican officials committed election fraud and are serving jail terms. The day after the election, a London newspaper headline read, “Can 62,000,000 Americans be that dumb?” What happened to the Republican Party? They used to be the fiscally responsible ones. Not George. In Texas they do everything big: Barbecues,football and executions — not necessarily in that order.As governor, Bush set the record for executions. As president he did the same with deficits. In fact the last Republican to balance a federal budget was Nixon,40 years ago — but, again, who’s counting.
Republicans also used to be non-interventionists, dating back to WWI. When Clinton sent troops into Bosnia, neo-cons railed against “nation building.” Bush blasted Clinton for not having an “exit strategy.” Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
So in addition to Katrina, Iraq, and 50 other Bush fiascoes, now we’ve got a recession approaching. As Hardy used to say to Laurel, “This is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into.”
Enter George’s economic “stimulus package.”Does that sound slightly obscene? Bush’s plan calls for $150 billion, or about 1/3 of what we’ve already spent in Iraq.Without this war we’d have $300 billion for schools, roads, hospitals and bridges. They’re being built, but in Iraq, not here. I know the old adage, “Don’t cry over spilt milk.”Except this particular milk is costing $3 billion a week!
To pay for the stimulus package we’ll have to borrow from China. And when we get our checks we’ll probably buy products made in China, hopefully without the lead. So whose economy are we stimulating? And what will $600 buy these days? About 10 tanks of gas, which helps Saudi Arabia. That’s perfect. In trying to spread democracy W enriches brutal totalitarian regimes.
For years Bush boasted that his economic policies were working. They were, for billionaires — a rising tide raises all yachts. We’re too broke to help the poor, but when it affects Wall Street, suddenly it’s a crisis. I have a hunch that, like Katrina and Iraq, this “heckuva economic stimulus” will ultimately benefit giant corporations. It’s got all the signs of another “mission accomplished.”
In that speech Bush announced Iraq was a success. On the day, five more Americans died. He says we’ve won but our troops still can’t come home. I thought the point of winning is so you can come home. Frankly, I don’t know how Bush keeps a straight face. Maybe that’s why he smirks so much? But John McCain might be worse. He says we could stay in Iraq for 100 years. Arianna Huffington responded, “McCain doesn’t need viagra, he’s got Iraq.”
Remember in 2002 when Bush choked on a pretzel and fainted? With 353 days and the spineless Dems, W is still dangerous. One word: Iran. Even if George can’t pronounce “nuclear,” the image of his finger on the button is frightening. Look at what he did with a pretzel.
Speaking of pretzels, I’m off to the store. The Super Bowl is less than 48 hours away — but who’s counting.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 1, 2008. Read the original PDF.