FINDING ROMANCE ISN’T EASY. IN FACT, I think it’s becoming obsolete What I mean by romance is when two people fall for each other and they are radically shaken as individuals in the process.
Some people fall in love, marry and raise children. Other people fall in love, fall apart and tattoo “N-E-V-E-R-A-G-A-I-N” on their knuckles, like one bar-hopping friend of mine. The tattoo might last forever, but only time will tell if his luck changes in the Great American Dating Scene.
I believe I can speak with some authority on the subject of romance, since I’ve been in love. It’s been wonderful at times, terrible at others. Regardless, the experience has helped me evolve.
I don’t see or hear about people falling in love much these days, except in movies or on songs played over the radio. It’s as if romance is no longer part of the human experience. It’s been relegated to myth, a media induced fantasy.
For those of you whose experiences in the Great American Dating Scene are hedging you toward the “NEVER AGAIN” option, you are not alone. In my travels, I can confirm the state of romance is disastrous. This holds true even in the noble city of Santa Monica, where forces are pitting men and women at odds.
I believe these forces are rooted in part by the breakdown of traditional gender roles. The relatively straightforward process of raising a family with a spouse of the opposite sex is no longer a given as was the case, say, circa 1955 Nowadays men divorce wives of 30 years in exchange for babes barely of consenting age. Same-sex marriages continue to be outlawed, and yet many are more nurturing than heterosexual relationships. Middle-aged, un-married women are giving birth to quadruplets. Newborns conceived via sperm bank are demanding to meet daddy.
As we recede further from the simplicity of the Eisenhower years, these social changes may prove to be for the better.For now,the meaning of family, relationships and sexuality has been tossed into question. The problem is not all of us are finding answers to help us love better.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite.We are in the midst of national growing pains to which most of us are clueless, others are in denial and many are left feeling alienated and useless. I dub this the Age of Anti-Romance, a dark period in which men and women are losing faith in the value of falling in love.
Judging by the divorce rate, it’s clear preserving families is no longer our highest priority. That means men no longer have the burden of developing social virtues to maintain them. With no need to be carrying and responsible parents, for example, we have a generation of men spending their adulthood as sex-crazed adolescents, trolling bars and Internet for prey, leveraging love affairs with lavish gifts and money.
Meanwhile, equality of the sexes might have made a more level playing field for the fairer sex, but not to the extent most women are compelled to develop social virtues beyond bedroom or home.
While some ladies are using their freedom to advance their role in society, many have regressed to pursuing their own juvenile agenda, relying on sexuality to secure their lot in life. Instead of seeing a new generation of self-directed mothers, let alone female leaders, we have more women striving to become trophy wives.
Pick up a fashion magazine or take a good look next time you’re at a restaurant. Women are on strange diets, treatments and plastic surgery programs. We are asking them to transform into mannequins.
The gender wars are bigger and more ridiculous than ever.While some continue to follow their hearts and eventually find love, satisfying relationships and evolution, many are confounded by the obstacles faced in today’s Great American Dating Scene.
Hopefully the Age of Anti-Romance is an epoch that will be outgrown, and “NEVER AGAIN” will not become the final solution synonymous with ardor.
My next column will report on an experiment to be undertaking to determine the validity of observations described in this piece.
One question I hope to answer for you: How low are Los Angeles men and women willing to go to get good sex or financial security they need?
We’ll find out.
RYAN HYATT is a former staff writer for the Santa Monica Daily Press. He is seeking a publisher for his second novel, “Stay Younger Longer,” a political thriller that takes place in LA in 2046. He
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 7, 2008. Read the original PDF.