By MATTERS BY JACK NEWORTH
It’s been 11 days since all the retrospectives of 9/11. On its Web site, CNN showed 9/11 footage from the moment the first plane struck the WTC as though it were live. I wonder how many stoners thought,“Dude, I didn’t even know the towers were rebuilt, and now they’re down again?” ABC ran “Path to 9/11,” a $40 million mini-series which seems to blame Clinton, among others, and it ran commercial free. How patriotic, or, is it possible they got the money from another source? Nah.
President Bush got into the act with a primetime speech on 9/11. It would have cut into Monday Night Football, except it’s on ESPN now. I was on the boardwalk exercising Oscar, but I listened on my bike radio. Oscar seemed more interested in sniffing lampposts than Bush’s speech. Smart dog, that Oscar.
The speech started out as a touching tribute to 9/11. But at the four-minute mark, or Oscar’s 10th lamppost, it turned into a pre-November stump speech. Bush conflated 9/11 and Iraq like a mantra, and even mentioned bin Laden’s name three times. Surprise, surprise, when he does his poll numbers go up, but so do bin Laden’s when he mentions Bush. Go figure. Lately it’s reported Bush tells friends he identifies with Lincoln as both waged unpopular wars. But Lincoln’s nickname was “Honest Abe.” “Honest George” does-n’t quite have the same ring.
In the past 11 days I haven’t been thinking about 9/11 as much as I have about 9/12. Following the horrific tragedy there was actually unity in the country. We were all in it together. Everyone was kind. It was stunning. I remember trying to squeeze onto the Santa Monica Freeway and other drivers politely letting me cut in. Today for that maneuver, I might make Fox News, “Road rage homicide, film at 11.” I was at Albertson’s and had 13 items in the 10-item express checkout and nobody objected. The entire country mourned with the victims’ families. Today Ann Coulter says of the 9/11 widows, “These broads are millionaires enjoying their husbands’ deaths.” That’s the team spirit, Ann.
And on 9/12 there were demonstrations in Paris, Berlin and Moscow. All over the world people gathered to offer sympathy, holding signs, “We’re Americans, too.” Try traveling today with an American flag on your jacket. You might as well have a bull’s-eye. We haven’t been this hated in the world since 1958 when Vice President Nixon was getting stoned in South America — stoned, as in rocks being thrown at him. Although Nixon, of all people, might have benefited from being the other kind of stoned.
I found myself thinking back to 1980. Candidate Ronald Reagan, in a debate with President Carter, asked the country if we were better off than we were four years ago. He said if we were not, it was time for a change. I thought about these past five years and applied the Reagan test.
The economy? Bush inherited a record surplus and now we have a record deficit — Iraq’s $8 billion a month alone. The deficit is so bad a child born today owes $40,000 before his first burp. Actually that could cause a burp. The environment? Bush thinks global warming is just a theory. Security? The 9/11 commission report card was an overall D+, with lots of F’s. With a report card like that I couldn’t have gone home. The price of gas? In Clinton’s last year a gallon of gas was $1.39. We’d kill for that price now. Actually, we are, but not for that price.
Katrina? While a portion of the country was drowning, Bush was at an Arizona fundraiser, playing air guitar and eating John McCain’s birthday cake. No drowning there. Education? Our test score rankings in the world can’t get much lower, or, with two more years, maybe it can. Health Care? We have 40 million uninsured, a disgrace for an industrialized power but on the bright side, Haliburton’s first quarter profits have never been better.
Iraq war mistakes? WMD’s, greeted as liberators, oil revenue pays for the reconstruction, Sadaam-al Qaeda connection, and Rummy’s quote: “I’m not sure we aren’t cre-atin’ more terrorists than we are killing.” With that record, a baseball manager would get fired. So would a 7-11 manager. But to be fair and balanced like Fox News, there has to be something good in the last five years. Did I mention Albertson’s raised the express line from 10 to 15 items?
As 9/11 this year was turning into 9/12, I was listening to the radio. Being interviewed about the prospects of peace in the world was Arun Ghandi, Mahatma’s grandson. He mentioned that when Matt Lauer asked Bush how well he sleeps,“Like a log” was the answer. After Gettysburg I can’t imagine Lincoln “slept like a log.”
But maybe Ghandi got it wrong. And maybe I’m wrong about Bush — though I wish one day he could learn to pronounce “nuclear.” The truth is I’m not 100 percent certain about most things in life. But one I am: Be sure Oscar takes a poop before you start on the bike path. (Jack Neworth)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on September 22, 2006. Read the original PDF.