While it’s difficult to reach a consensus on anything these days, I think I speak for a sizable chunk of the over- 20 movie-going population in imploring Hollywood to please stop with all the damn vampire movies. “Blade: Trinity,” the third installment in a series running two films too long, is the latest cacophonous calamity to roll off the action flick assembly line — an insipid sequel that puts the “suck” back in the bloodsucker genre. Returning to the titular role as the scourge of the nightcrawlers, Wesley Snipes affects a perpetual scowl that suggests frustration more so than menace. The star is getting old, and while his character’s presence looms large in this picture, writer-director David S. Goyer has allotted many of the movie’s pivotal moments to youngsters Jessica Biel (“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”) and Ryan Reynolds (“Van Wilder”). To his credit the latter, who buffed-up considerably to play gung-ho vampire hunter Hannibal King, outperforms everyone in “Blade: Trinity” — alas, it’s a distinction akin to being named valedictorian at summer school.
Goyer trots out the progenitor of the vampire race, Dracula (Dominic Purcell), to battle Blade in what is hopefully the series’ swan song. Ah, but this is no mere rehashing of one of the cinema’s most timeworn villains — Goyer’s version has runway-model looks, dons Goth-chic couture and has taken to calling himself Drake. After all, the old name is soooo 14th Century. Drake and his army of hipster vampires, which includes Parker Posey (exquisitely awful here) and pro wrestler Triple H (see previous parenthetical), want total world domination. Blade and his crew of teen-focus-group friendly freedom fighters are humanity’s only hope. They’ve got Good on their side, along with a leather-loving costume design team to make them look really sexy. Plus they carry iPods and listen to kick-ass music while kicking ass. Unfortunately that stuff alone makes for a better video game than a movie. (Rated R for strong pervasive violence and language, and some sexual content. Running time: 105 minutes)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on December 10, 2004. Read the original PDF.