Moms will be moms
By DORIE MEEK
Dear Dorie, Can you give me some information about the latest trends in parenting regarding the differences in boys and girls? I have one of each, both below 5 years old, and I want to present a balanced environment. It’s pretty obvious that there are differences in approach already, but do I emphasize what they’re naturally interested in or push to broaden their experience?
Dear Moms, This is a very thought-provoking topic backed up by tons of research, but first let me share my personal experience. I have two girls and my friend has two boys about the same age. In the beginning, we would call each other on a fairly regular basis to confirm that their interests or obsessions were gender-based. This conversation sounded like, “OK, totally into trucks. What about you?” The usual response was, “Yeah. Totally into trucks.” We worked our way through trucks, purses, dinosaurs, pink, pirates, mermaids and fairies until about age 3 when both sets seemed to diverge into the more stereotypical gender interest categories. We unscientifically concluded that they were interested in about the same things until they got into preschool where the social groups dictated interest with more persuasion.
Boy, were we wrong. What I know now is that our “test results” could have been very different. Each child follows their own learning path and the interests along the way can vary just as much as the color of their hair. The timing of the interest can last for minutes or months depending on the child, and should be respected.
What is most important in pursuing a child’s balanced development is exposure. If your little girl is only interested in princesses, Disneyland is a must, but throw in some pirates and bugs as well. If your little boy only wants to play dumptruck, visit the waste and recycling center for sure, but add a trip to the the-atre or art museum to the calendar. Exposure is everything.
Your ultimate message is, your child’s interests will be a treasured part of your lives, no matter what. They will change with time and so will you. Be creative and open-minded and follow their lead. Good luck.
Dorie (Submit your questions to “Dear Dorie” at, or call (310) 452-6132.)
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on May 2, 2006. Read the original PDF.