LAST SUNDAY, INSTEAD OF WORKING out, I turned on the pre-Oscar festivities, proving how much I like working out. Ryan Seacrest was interviewing Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner and I thought to myself what show isn’t he on. Truthfully, I can’t stand the red carpet chitchat. Everyone pretends they’re having a grand time when you can practically feel how miserable they are, or knee-knocking nervous, or worse, dying just to be seen. If I watch too long, much like working out, I have to take a shower afterwards.
But Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner held my attention, for obvious reasons. Suddenly, like a mad stalker, Gary Busey charged into the picture and gave a not-so-thrilled Linney an unusually intimate kiss on the cheek. Being generous, I’m assuming he was congratulating her for her Best Actress nomination. Less generous, while he’s a compelling actor, Busey is well known for erratic behavior, to put it mildly. Suddenly I felt an air of danger. I wasn’t alone.
Turning his affections to Garner, Busey began kissing her beautiful neck (I know, am I jealous or complaining?). As if the moment needed more weirdness, Busey was accompanied by a woman who’s either a girlfriend or his attorney (On Wikipedia it says he attends these functions with his female attorney. Now I can understand why).
Witty under the pressure, Seacrest nervously looked for security, or at least Ben Affleck. Finally, Linney escorted the still-shaken Garner away and Busey made as strange an exit as he had made an entrance. Relieved, Seacrest said into the camera, “I have no idea what just happened.”
Perhaps, other than Busey, no one had a more gratifying Oscar night than Joel and Ethan Coen. Their movie, “No Country for Old Men,” won four awards. In accepting for Best Screenplay Adaptation, Joel gave his speech but Ethan got severely tongue-tied. Awkward seconds passed but he remained mute. Finally he mustered,“Thank you.” Not long after he redeemed himself. When they won their second Oscar, Ethan joked,“I don’t have much to add to what I’ve already said.”
A number of the Oscar nominated movies were relentlessly dark such as “No Country,” “There Will be Blood,” and “Gone, Baby Gone.” Referring to “Juno,” host Jon Stewart quipped, “Thank God for teenage pregnancy!” As outstanding as “No Country”was, what are we to take away from it? If you happen to stumble onto $2 million dollars in a suitcase but there are numerous dead bodies strewn all around, you might want to take a pass on the cash? Or, if you take the money expect to be followed by a rather menacing man with an extremely bad haircut and a cattle prod?
I’m joking, of course, or at least trying. To me, Cormac McCarthy’s book was saying that today, for so many reasons, senseless violence being just one, we have become no country for old men (My luck, just I’m getting old). But I still don’t see it as a Best Picture of the year. For that I think of movies like “Casablanca,” “Bridge on the River Kwai,” “Lawrence of Arabia,” “Midnight Cowboy,” or “Ordinary People.”
I thought the Oscars went well enough, although after all the wait, having the first award be “Best Costume Design” doesn’t necessarily make for riveting television. I temporarily flipped to the Lakers game (Praise God, or Mitch Kupchak, the Lakers are suddenly a very good team). For backup I was taping the Oscars. When it was over I even labeled the cassette. I do that with many shows only by the time I get around to watching them, they are more than slightly irrelevant. I have a Bush-Kerry debate around here somewhere, the one with the transmitter sticking out of the back of Bush’s jacket. His campaign said it was just an unusual crease from dry cleaning (Doesn’t that happen to everybody?). I suppose it’s time to either watch the tape or record over it.
On Monday following the Oscars my friend Robin lent me her Netflix copy of “In the Valley of Ella,” with Tommy Lee Jones, Susan Sarandon and Charlize Theron. The movie was so good I kept thinking why did-n’t it at least get nominated for Best Picture.
An interesting side-note, all four acting awards this year were won by foreign-born performers: Daniel-Day Lewis is Irish, Javier Bardem is Spanish, Marion Cotillard is French, and Tilda Swinton is British. I’m wondering if Lou Dobbs will boycott next year’s Oscars.
I was glad to see Diablo Cody win Best Original Screenplay for “Juno” Not only is she an American, she’s a former stripper. I’m thinking maybe that’s why none of my screenplays ever get made. Forget rewrites, maybe I need to work on my abs?
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on February 29, 2008. Read the original PDF.