No stranger to the local scene, “Buzz,” as he likes to be called by friends and foes alike, is the newest member of the Daily Press news team. A keen observer of all things Santa Monican, an eavesdropper of preposterous proportions, “Buzz” is literally everywhere. He knows where we live, what we do and who we do it with. The news staff looks to take advantage of this in-town player’s unique skills by allowing him to serve up his slant on the “city by the sea” each week just the way he likes it — fresh, raw and a might bit spicy. As always, he has a few things to share. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the “Buzz” and what was recently in Santa Monica. _______________... Santa Monica is a happy place for happy people, so the city charter says. As a result, the guy in Border Books the other week should feel right at home. Clearly on some “higher” plane, the slim man walked around the bookstore LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY TO HIMSELF, at randomly selected magazines. Scenes like that make Buzz chuckle a bit too, mostly at the absurdness of this town. It adds character. Nothing like being buzzed in Santa Monica. Hey bro, got any?...... One recent afternoon, Buzz’s female companion had ventured into the women’s bathroom at Santa Monica Beach when she heard the confused pleasure cries of a seemingly retarded woman: “Give me my corn-bread! GIVE ME MY CORNBREAD!” Spotting some men’s feet facing hers, it was evident she was getting a good rogering amid the romance of urine-stenched porcelain and baking defecation. The moment was bigger than the both of ’em, but it makes Buzz wonder if those new bathroom attendants the city has placed about town provides a choice of prophylactics. Buzz will never look at cornbread in quite the same way...... Here’s one for the record (but really off the record.) Buzz was milling around one Saturday morning at Memorial Park WAIT- ING FOR A KICKBALL TOURNAMENT to begin when he asked the park ranger if the bathrooms were open yet. The park ranger said they were, but advised against using them. “The homeless sleep in there and they are not very clean.” Nice. Brand-spanking-new bathrooms just for the residentially-challenged. What a pisser! Buzz is glad to see his tax dollars at work. Thanks for the heads up, Mr. park ranger...... Back in the DP newsroom, Buzz over-heard another off-the-record conversation (they are the best kind for a gossipmonger), this one related to a certain city councilman who LIKES TO ENJOY A SMOKE from time to time. Just days before the smoking ban proposal hit the city council chambers, a friendly conversation was struck up between the elected official and fellow addicts outside of a Mexican restaurant on Pico. Not knowing they were among the high-ranking decision-maker, the average Joe Blows expressed their discontent with the city ban, to which the councilmember replied something to the effect of, “Can you believe the gall of them?” The next week, he voted for the ban. Nothing like blowing smoke where the sun don’t shine...... While he doesn’t do it often, Buzz ventured east of Lincoln to take in a bit of culture, finding himself sitting in Hollywood’s Pantages Theater for A MANLY PRODUC- TION OF “LITTLE WOMEN.” At intermission, he and his date ran out of there and out of the hills. But before exiting the parking lot off of Hollywood and Vine, Buzz felt like he already was home in Santa Monica again: There before his eyes was a woman squatting in the street, peeing. Upon her completion, she gave a little ass shake in substitute for toilet paper. It was a scene that had all the drama and despair that made the trip to Hollywood etched in Buzz’s mind. She was no “little woman,” but she had all the raw talent needed to make that act the most memorable of the evening...... The world of politics in Santa Monica is always a form of entertainment for Buzz, especially in an election year. This week’s fodder comes from those who call themselves “Santa Monicans For Sensible Priorities.” They STUFFED A “NEWS UPDATE” into thousands of residents’ mailboxes recently, with one of the “news” items being that one of their members has an opinion column in the SMDP. They said it was refreshing to see a new perspective in the paper, which had its logo plastered on the back page. The editor didn’t see that coming, but admitted any exposure is good. Buzz isn’t so sure how “sensible” it was for them to use the SMDP that way without a heads up to the paper’s editor but hey, anything goes three months before an election! Seeing that the columnist is running for City Council, the SMDP editor used her sense and discontinued the candidate’s editorial perspective...... In the “PERPETUATING STEREOTYPES” ITEM OF THE WEEK, Buzz was making his way north on 16th Street over the weekend, approaching Montana Avenue, when he BUZZ’IN, from page 5 striving to support filmmaking and the arts while raising funds to improve the quality of life for individuals fighting cancer. Last year’s Drive-In assisted 25 families affected by cancer.
The line-up continues as follows: Aug. 15 “Madagascar” Aug. 22 “Rocky” Aug. 29 “Forrest Gump” Sept. 5 “Anchorman” Sept. 12 To Be Announced Sept. 19 “Grease” Sept. 26 “An Inconvenient Truth”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on August 7, 2006. Read the original PDF.