IT WAS RECENTLY REPORTED THAT ASHLEE Simpson, the younger, less notorious (yet identically dimwitted) sister of former reality TV star Jessica Simpson, is knocked-up and engaged to her rock star boyfriend. And much like Jamie Lynn Spears, the younger, less infamous (although equally, uh, country) sister of Britney Spears, Ashlee is rumored to be shopping the story of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy to the celebrity weeklies for the princely sum of $1 million.
However, while Jamie Lynn received her asking price from OK! magazine, Ashlee isn’t expected to fare as well. Simpson is said to be apoplectic (although upon hearing herself described that way, she was adamant that the public know that she is, in fact, not prone to seizures) that no one is particularly interested in what the offspring of the world’s most renowned lip-syncher will look like.
Apparently, though, it was Ashlee’s approach that was all wrong. While the first-look photos of celebrity babies are all the rage, bonafide A-listers have reportedly had to promise more than just Kodak moments in order to earn their seven figure paychecks.
Nicole Richie gave birth in January to a baby by her rock star boyfriend, an occasion which People magazine commemorated by paying $1 million for the first images of the happy family. But in addition to the pictures, Richie had to guarantee that her daughter would give the magazine a guided tour of the facility that she will eventually check into for treatment of her inevitable eating disorder.Richie was also made to promise the magazine exclusive tagalong rights for any future joint mother/daughter community service hours ordered by the court.
Australian actress and Tom Cruise ex Nicole Kidman is expecting a child with her rock star husband this summer. No word yet on the offers they’re considering for the debut images of their little bundle of joy. What is known, though, is that Allergan, the makers of Botox, have expressed their willingness to double the sum that any magazine ponies up just for a chance to see before anyone else if the Oscar winner’s baby inherits his/her mother’s ability to never display an emotion. And if the results are as they expect,then apparently Dreyer’s,the parent company of Häagen-Dazs ice cream,has said they’d split the bill with Allergan in order to study firsthand how a perpetually frozen face looks at birth.
Former “In Living Color” Fly Girl Jennifer Lopez and her husband du jour, Skeletor look-alike (and one time sort-of rock star) Marc Anthony, received $6 million to pose for the cover of People last month with their infant twins Max and Emme. While the sum is believed to be the highest ever shelled out for baby pictures, the superstar couple has pledged to People that when they divorce, the magazine can be the first to report on the legal fight over their prenuptial agreement. Jennifer also swore that when she has a child with her next husband that People will be allowed to videotape the birth exclusively for their Web site. And Marc has given his solemn word that when his next future ex-wife bears his child, he won’t subject anyone to the photos.
Celebrity über-couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got $4 million when their daughter Shiloh was born two years ago,and then another $2 million shortly thereafter for photos of their son Pax. The couple, who is expecting twins this summer, might be able to command upwards of $10 million for the first shots, although they have promised nothing additional to the top bidder, as they have little choice but to direct the bulk of their proceeds towards diapers for their exponentially expanding brood.
Speculation was rampant when “Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker gave birth to her son by Tony Award-winner Matthew Broderick in 2002 that she could have received a cool million dollars just for saying cheese while holding the swaddled newborn. But instead she simply walked out of the hospital with the baby,receiving nothing more than black spots in her vision for a few minutes from all the flash bulbs from the sea of photographers. Insiders have whispered, however, that the actress, recently named in a Maxim magazine poll as the Unsexiest Woman Alive,might have wanted to save face in case the best offer she actually received was from Equestrian Life Magazine.
Finally, Minnie Driver, Gwen Stefani, Jessica Alba and Tori Spelling are said to be pooling their bulging bellies, and bank accounts, to make themselves more attractive to the tabloids, offering money and a group shot in return for good placement, or any placement, in a magazine. Still unknown is if they will accept a bid from Ashlee Simpson to join their collective.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 24, 2008. Read the original PDF.