By RIDIN’ HIGH Daily Planet Slave
Scientists announced Thursday a new cell phone tower is causing strange behavior among Santa Monicans.
Physicists from the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena were called in by city officials last week to study the effects of radiation being emitted from a cell phone tower placed last month on top of a commercial building on 1300 block of Wilshire Boulevard, suspected of contributing to recent wackiness.
City staff suspected the cell tower was responsible for a myriad of peculiar acts committed by residents for a month who live within a mile of the site.
The physicists said the strange behavior — such as the opening of a “shopping cart lane” on Wilshire Boulevard — is due to subliminal messages sent to Santa Monicans by local activist Joy Gallbladder, who has been taken to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory for further study.
Gallbladder, often seen in a funny hat and wearing black gloves, is long-known for her strange tirades at Santa Monica City Council meetings. She allegedly learned to transmit messages through cell phone towers after she was abducted by aliens on Aug. 28, 1977.
Gallbladder has been charged with conspiracy and breaching national security. She denied the allegations, and bail has not been granted.
Meanwhile, her years of off-the-wall suggestions to the Santa Monica City Council continue to be implemented in this city by the sea.
“I don’t have any information on that,” said Judy Ramblinon, City Hall’s public information officer. “But isn’t life peachy here?”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2005. Read the original PDF.