By SACKA SOMETHING Daily Planet Slave
More than a dozen mega chains — including P.C. Fangs and Smottery Barn — announced this week that they are closing their doors, saying the business climate has forced them out of Santa Monica.
“We just couldn’t compete with the local mom-and-pop shops,” said Sue Sellout, a flack for Smottery Barn. “I can’t believe it, Santa Monica is so anti-chain store. We just didn’t see it in our business plan at all.”
Long heralded as being different than most of Los Angeles, Santa Monica has prided itself on staying as unique and individualistic as possible.
“We have fought long and hard to make sure locals get what they need,” said Derek Wingnut, the city’s economic development advisor. “I knew all along that trying to control the market by regulating how many chain stores versus local businesses there were here would be a moot point. I mean, let the consumers decide for themselves.”
Local leaders added that the chain stores served their purpose, but are now a thing of the past.
“They were worth the money we made them pay to set up shop here and lord knows we needed their sales tax dollars, but they are clearly on their way out,” said Mayor Dickey Boom. “They served a purpose but now it’s time to get back to our roots.”
Meanwhile, shots rang out in the Pico neighborhood.
City Hall is offering a $1,000 cash bonus to any local resident who wants to set up shop here. Expecting an exodus of chain stores in the upcoming months, City Hall officals are worried there will be plenty of empty space to be filled.
“Nice,” said Higherme Fornothin, a local waiter who is thinking about opening a supply store for Sherpas. “If I can get a grand out of City Hall just for opening a business in Santa Monica, then I am living the American dream, man.”
With the increasing rent costs for a storefront on the Third Street Promenade, large chain store complain they just can’t compete with the deep pockets of “mom and pop” shops.
“I don’t care how many spring rolls we sell, there was no way we could compete with Folly’s Cries across the street,” said P.C. Fangs flak Amanda America. “They had the high-tipping senior citizen market cornered. People in Santa Monica want substandard food, then so be it. Clearly we had this market all wrong.”
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2004. Read the original PDF.