By Lloyd Garver Maudlin Times
I CONFESS. WHEN I USUALLY ATTEND A meeting of the Santa Monica City Council, I’m mostly excited by the free refreshments, not by the thrill of seeing democracy in action. However, this was not the case at last Tuesday’s (March 27) meeting.
The council struck yet another blow against religious oppression in the city, and I applaud them for it. Councilmember, Hobby Shiver started the meeting by reading a letter from a resident who pointed out that the name of the city, “Santa Monica,” was a Christian name (named for a Catholic saint), and thereby was not representative or inclusive of all the citizens of our city. The letter writer (who asked to be anonymous) suggested that the name of our city be changed.
Councilmember Tevin McKeown thought the suggestion was ridiculous. “There are many places that have ‘Saint’ names,” he said.“How about, Santa Barbara, San Francisco, and San Quentin? Should all those be changed, too?”
Councilmember Slam O’Connor said, “Just because other places do it, doesn’t make it right. Other cities let their citizens smoke outdoors, but that just isn’t right for us.”
Shiver was obviously moved by the letter writers’ unhappiness. I hadn’t seen him so animated since the great “Hedge Controversy.” He talked about his Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, and Shinto neighbors and how uncomfortable they might feel with the Christian-only name of “Santa Monica.” He suggested that from now on, the city should be known simply as, “Monica.”
Some on the council pointed out that when people hear the name, “Monica,” they often think of a certain White House intern.
“Do we really want our city to be associated with a sex act?,” Mayor Richard Blum asked.
After a long pause, the council members responded, “Uh, no.”
McKeown continued to object to the name change. He pointed out that Santa Monica was the mother of Saint Augustine, and is primarily known for saving her son from a self-destructive life. In fact, she became the patron saint of, among other things, alcoholics, disappointing children, and victims of verbal abuse. “Doesn’t that make her the perfect saint for our city?” he asked.
“Abdullah town,”
“Ashwatthama village,”
“Atsuko city,”
“Little tel aviv,”
“Santa monica”
Herb Fatz thought that McKeown made some good points, “and I’m sure this Monica was a nice lady and a heck of a mom.” But he agreed with Shiver that it is time for the city to have a different name. He suggested, “Temple City.” When told that there already is a place with that name, he responded, “That just proves it’s a good name.”
Councilman Robert Holberg pointed out that “Santa Monica” didn’t represent atheists, and it was therefore probably offensive to them. He suggested, “Godless City,” but for some reason, that name was-n’t greeted with much enthusiasm.
Councilman Ken Gender read a letter from the Santa Monica Agnostic Society. It said, “We’re not sure if there should be a name change or not.”
The Council made the most progress during their break, when they consumed cream cheese and bagels, hummus and PETA, and a nice selection of herbal teas. They decided that the name of the city would rotate every three months.
It will be “Santa Monica”for three months, then “Abdullah Town,” then “Little Tel Aviv,” “Ashwatthama Village,” “Atsuko City,” “Fong By The Bay,”“Creationists are Crazy City,”and then “We Just Don’t Know Town.”
“Fong by the bay,”
“Creationists are crazy city,”
“We just don’t know town.” — It will be for three months, then then and then
The measure was passed unanimously. The rotation goes into effect April 1 with good old “Santa Monica” being the name of Santa Monica for the first three months. This means that we’ll all have some time to get used to the new system.
This also means that many residents will be celebrating Christmas when our city will be called, “Little Tel Aviv.” How much more inclusive can you get?
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2007. Read the original PDF.