Former SM resident publishes book
ATLANTA In the days leading to her college graduation, Vanessa Van Petten was a nervous wreck.
Van Petten had just spent most of her college years studying Mandarin and International business, determined to combine the two for a financially secure career. She had even spent six months living in China.
But in rejecting an offer to join an investment banking firm, a career choice encouraged by her parents, she turned it all away — the comfort of knowing when the next paycheck was coming in — all to become a family therapist and help struggling parents reconnect with their children.
It was graduation 2007 and the Emory University student started to panic as her head started filling with questions of self-doubt.
“All of my friends were going corporate and getting good salaries and I had a real struggle at graduation — do I do the secure thing or do I do what might be more risky and might not work,”Van Petten asked herself.
She chose the thrill of the unknown. On a measly budget, 22-year-old Van Petten, a Culver City resident who grew up in Santa Monica, did something that most young professionals her age feel they don’t have the expertise to do — publish a self-authored book on parenting.
The 140-page book, “You’re Grounded,” published in June after Van Petten’s graduation and has received rave reviews by users on Amazon.com. The book speaks to the miscommunication that arises in family relationships, which in many cases can be the catalyst for rebellion, leading to truancy, alcohol and drug use.“You’re Grounded” is a product of more than two years of interviews with teenagers, high school counselors, teachers and of course, parents.
The research started during Van Petten’s junior year at the Marlborough School in Hancock Park when a friend who attended a different high school was expelled after he was caught carrying a bag that obviously contained drugs, she said. At the same time, a few of Van Petten’s friends were involved in questionable activities, such as smoking marijuana and promiscuity.
Van Petten asked her friend why he was doing drugs.
His answer was simple — to “piss off my parents.”
It was the last answer she expected to hear. “I thought (he would say) boredom or because his friends were doing it,” Van Petten said on Thursday. “Obviously, parents would make sure he would do everything to make sure he wouldn’t (do drugs).”
Curious, Van Petten started researching the causes behind the troublesome behavior, interviewing her fellow classmates at the high school, asking them if they could tell their parents one thing, what would it be?
At the end of high school, she put the notes together and created a manual and passed it around to family friends. She went off to attend college in Atlanta, Ga. and left the interviews — which took up two years of her life — behind.
Three years later, Van Petten sat in the office of her career counselor who asked what she wanted to do with her life. Up until that point, the college junior was set on a career in international business, having studied the Chinese language and falling in love with the culture.
But then, she realized what she loved even more — helping teenagers and parents find a middle ground.
Van Petten went back to her notes, collecting dust over the years, and decided to get it published with her savings of less than $1,000, which was made possible with the help of a friend who edited the copy and another buddy who lent his photographic expertise.
“I’ve read other psychology books by other parents and doctors, but they’re missing the connection,” Van Petten said.
Interestingly, Van Petten went back and reinterviewed some of her friends who have since changed their perspective on their teenage years. Those updates are included in the book.
“Some who might’ve thought their (curfew) was bad in high school now saw that it was good,” she said.
One of the people entrusted with reading the pre-published copy of the book was Emily Sears Vaughn, who was Van Petten’s counselor in high school. Sears Vaughn, who is still a counselor and a psychology teacher at the Marlborough School, said she had no idea that her former student had done any research while she was in high school. Van Petten currently has two younger sisters that attend the school.
“She clearly articulates some of the issues that faces parents and teens,” Sears Vaughn said on Friday. “She has great ideas of how to improve communication.”
The basis of communication, according to the book, is understanding. One of the biggest obstacles that parents face is their lack of understanding of how important the Internet has become in their children’s lives, with social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook being the main channel of communication that young adults have with their peers, Van Petten said.
In addition to promoting her book, Van Petten is a divorce coach, life trainer and family manager, visiting homes and counseling families. Though she’s only 22 and unmarried with no children, Van Petten said parents understand she has an upper hand over many therapists — she was a teenager only a few years ago and can easily relate to children.
“Some people think I’m too young, but I say that’s the point,” Van Petten said. “There is something different that comes from someone who is younger because your kids will listen and I know what is going on with teenagers right now.”
She also speaks at the YWCA in Santa Monica in the girl’s technology class, talking about blogs and social networking and some of the safety issues that children face online.
Van Petten is now working on a book for grandparents and how they can connect with their grandchildren.
Though there are times when Van Petten isn’t sure when her next paycheck will come in, she feels that she made the right decision, especially when she comforts a teenage client whose parents are going through a divorce. Van Petten’s own parents went through a divorce when she was 3 years old.
“It’s all worth it — to hear the sigh when I tell the kids that it’s OK,” she said.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on November 5, 2007. Read the original PDF.