By ANITA NEWJOB Daily Stress Staff Writer
DOUGLAS PARK Following a heated debate that extended into the early morning hours last Tuesday, City Council members narrowly voted to retain the name “Douglas Park” for the open space at Wilshire Boulevard and Chelsea Avenue, dealing a blow to advocates of the more fitting “MILF Park” moniker.
In the end, it was Councilwoman Bam O’Connor who cast the deciding vote, giving MILF proponents something to ponder come election time.
“All we’re trying to do is accurately reflect the goings-on of this titillating city park,”said Gage Chulmers, chairman of the local chapter of the Concerned Organization Into Trying Unconventional Shagging (COITUS).
Chulmers, who was reached for comment while lurking behind a tree in the park, said the maternal eye-candy at the park each day “was enough to give you cavities.”
O’Connor said she sympathized with the group pushing for a name change, as well as her fellow councilmembers who supported the idea, but that she couldn’t in all good conscience rename the park after its resident MILFs.
“I like the idea, in theory, but just couldn’t strip the sign of the tribute to Douglas Aircraft... well, that and the term MILF is a little touchy.”
Reached for comment, the heirs to Douglas Aircraft said they would be fools to oppose the wants of a heaving city, as MILFs are “fun for everyone.” Meanwhile, squirrels in Palisades Park were seen busting nuts, fueling fears that the cute little rodents will bring about a plague on all our homes.
Originally published in the Santa Monica Daily Press print edition on April 1, 2007. Read the original PDF.